My sister-in-law is really a bitch

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
My sister-in-law is really a bitch
10
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 1:41am

I really need some help with this one! I don't know how to handle this anymore. I recently

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 9:05am
Your sister-in-law sounds like she is just tactless. It's possible that she does not even realize she is being hurtful. If she says something that truly bothers you or asks you to participate in activities that make you uneasy such as praying out loud, it's fine to tell her that it makes you uncomfortable. If she is not doing it on purpose, she may get the hint after a while that she needs to be more careful about what she says to you.
Avatar for 3togetready
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-1999
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 12:03pm
I was thinking the same thing.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 12:17pm

Sweetie,


Frankly your SIL sounds jealous of you or her brother's new stage in life. You don't say how old she is or how old you are? If she's been the "only girl" in the family for her entire life your entry into the family represents a huge threat to her "place" as "queen female."


Here's my suggestions for resolving this issue:


1)Your husband needs to stand up for you to his sister. Depending on how old she is he needs to either talk to her directly or talk to his parents about her behavior toward you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 12:49pm
My sister in law is 35, married with 3 kids. My husband is 32 and I just turned 30.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 12:52pm
Ummm.... waving hand here. My ex and his family are Catholic. They always pray out loud at meal time. "Bless us oh Lord....." is usually the meal prayer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 1:44pm
Yes, that is fine for them. But, the point is.....I shouldn't have to say it out loud when I'm not Catholic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 2:04pm

No, you shouldn't have to pray. I misread the post. I thought you were upset cause she was praying out loud. That's what I get for try to watch football and read.

Sounds like she's trying to get a rise out of you. Your DH needs to have a few words with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2009
Sun, 11-01-2009 - 8:10am

I completely understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 11-02-2009 - 12:05pm

Hmmm, I dont' agree that she doesn't realize what she is doing. HOwever, I think she may not realize that you haven't realized that she is the princess. Seriously. I think she has acted this way so long and to so many people who have tolerated it that she expects obediance from everyone. This sounds like a close family and w/ 3 kids she is probably very organized and sounds like used to getting what she wants. It's time for you to establish yourself.


First of all. If you do not want to pray out loud w/ the familiy for meals then don't. If she asks you to just say no thank you. If she questions you (which is RUDE) be polite, quiet, and honest. Say that is not part of my relationship with God, but I enjoy your family traditions, so please continue.


If she says snarky comments to you then stop what you are doing and call her on it. Such as w/ the dog. Stop walking and say - I do not appreciate you putting me down. If you have an issue with me or the way I do things we need to have a private conversation instead of you being snarky to me with the children present. NO doubt this wills tart a fight or perhaps the war (if it doesn't start over the praying) so be prepared.


But honestly, I'd dish it right back. Always very respectfully and quietly and politely but basically let her know you won't tolerate being treated that way. I am guessing she will go on the defense if you call her on anything but honestly I'd rather have it out w/ her (in private, talking) or have her just hate me out in the open. I hate snarky comments b/c theya re sooo unladylike and just break things down over time. Your children and the rest of the family see you tolerating it and it just snowballs.


Be sure to discuss this w/ your husband. He also needs to be stepping up fo ryou as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 11:52am

First thing that came to mind for me -- next time your SIL puts you on the spot regarding religion - asking you to pray outloud - say


"Dear Lord, I am thankful for my family - even my sister in law who is rude and obnoxious - help her to learn some manners - amen" :)


Now, I know the chances of anyone actually doing that are slim but wouldn't it be great if someone did :).


I know exactly how you feel - this is my SIL - she likes to make her little nasty comments like you've described and you really never know what to say or how to respond.