If I could delete my account I would. Just letting you know I appreciate the replys, felt worse than before I started posting. Last thing I need is any blame thrown at me. I won't be coming back, I'm dealing with it on my own, the way I have been for the past few years. No need to repsond to this, I won't be reading anymore of it. Thanks for letting me vent, anyway.
I re-read all of our posts and I honestly thought we were all sincerely trying to help and were very, very nice and supportive. I cannot even see where any blame was laid on the OP so I have no idea why she felt like she did. My only guess is that she wanted us to see only her side and to tell her that this dil was evil and shouldn't be in her son's life.
What we did offer is some good advice for how she could have a good relationship with them all. It's too bad that she didn't want to see that. I'm now wondering what it is really like in their family dynamics.
I sort of remember a lot of what she posted and based on her comments her dil did appear to be very spoiled - self centered etc. I thought her details were very believable and that's why I re-read my reply to her becasue I thought and still do think that we were all very supportive of this dil being a difficult person to deal with.
I think it is a shame when people close themselves off to hearing good suggestions. We don't always like what we hear but if we are really wanting change and wanting to make something work then when the general consensus is the same - the ones that accept it usually do benefit from it.
The one thing we all also know is that people will make a person sound exactly how they believe they are. That doesn't necessarily mean they are like that. I, for one, have a feeling and a description of my MIL that any other person would think wasn't accurate. Why? Because her vendetta and evilness has been solely focused on me. But, I do respect that this is my version of how I see her.
Ultimately, people have to decide for themselves what they want to accomplish. But, in this case, no matter how horrible this dil was - the most important thing is for us to provide advice that would benefit the MIL. And, my biggest suggestion was to ignore some of her stuff, but mostly not to cater to her whims.
I'm not sure what else you could do other than just completely distance yourself from her (but the mil needs to know that this means distancing herself from the grandkids and her son as well). It bugs the heck out of me when they think that it can be just the one and not the whole package.
Just my two cents....
I'm going to go back and re-read some of the replies....thanks.
I didn't see a post where she talked about the DIL being neglectful or favoring only one of the babies. I saw a post where the DIL was basically a young, self-centered gal who was impolite around her MIL. I also saw that the son was badmouthing his wife to his mother.
I don't see any negativity towards the mil in the responses people gave her. It does seem as if MIL was looking for vindication of her feelings and to be given a "go for it" to express her opinion to her son and DIL.
It's a shame. I do think all we were doing was trying to help her.