need advice on in-law situation HELP!
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| Sat, 07-22-2006 - 10:42am |
My husband and I have a situation with his brother and sister-in-law. It's been years in the making and I'm about to boil over. All of this time I have attempted to keep peace and avoid escalating the situation by keeping my mouth shut taking in all of the insults and many slaps to the face but I am screaming inside. For years my husband and I have always been there to help, to do favors, etc - all along pushing the many, past incidents aside, hoping for things to get better - only to be dumped on once more. All this time I feel like I have had no voice and I'm wondering if it is time to step in and stand up for my self.
To make a long story short. I have been accused of something that is simply not true. My husband tried to help and spoke with his brother but he got nowhere. I have a feeling that my husband has become submissive to his brother and therefore wasn't able to get the facts out and now they are not talking. That's why I feel like I should take the initiative for me to fight for myself.
My question? Should I say something or continue to keep my mouth shut and let them believe what they want? It really bothers me though, knowing that I am being falsely accused. Is it a waste of time to say something? Sometimes I feel like I am only stepping down to their level but I'm afraid that if I keep quiet, it will only confirm their false beliefs. I been quiet for years trying not to aggravate the situation and to not involve the rest of the family but I can't take it anymore. I need help!
What would you do in this situation: Keep quiet even though its burning you up or would you confront the SIL & BIL?
Edited 7/22/2006 12:58 pm ET by scrunchygirl
Edited 7/22/2006 1:01 pm ET by scrunchygirl
Edited 7/22/2006 1:48 pm ET by scrunchygirl

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I'm not sure how *I'd* react to a false accusation. Depends on what it was, though I'm not asking for more details than you are willing to share on a public board.
I would definitely stop doing things for these people, and would speak up politely but firmly when they got obnoxious. Striving for assertive instead of aggressive, but if it had gone on for a long time it might be hard to stop at "just" assertive, kwim?
Let your husband know that you are no longer going to quietly be their whipping girl/slave so he is prepared with his own behavior choices.
If asked about the accused action by someone else, I'd definitely speak the truth, hopefully without slamming the you-know-what who lied, but what would actually be gained from confronting the bil/sil? You know them, how is the interaction likely to actually go?
It may be best to take the "I'm not talking to you, so there!" as a blessed gift and enjoy the peace. :o)
Good luck, I hope it works out for the best.
lve2read
Say what ever you want in it....
Imagine in song
"Hasn't anyone ever told you that it is not nice to falsely accuse your sister in law of being a former prositute!"
Hillarious!
This will shut them up hopefull and if not at least will be funny!
I wish I had thought about doing this when someone falsely accused me!
I appreciate your feedback. The accusation is so ridiculous that it is almost too embarrasing to mention. Are you ready? This is about 2 1/2 years in the making only for this to escalate about 1 month ago.
At approximately the same time, the prongs broke on our engagement rings. It was quite sometime before either of us got our rings fixed we're talking about a year. I finally came to a decision and had mine done, the very popular round center diamond with a smaller round diamond on each side. Probably about 2 million women in this country alone have it. We really don't see each other much because of past "issues" so I didn't even know that her ring was at a jewelers in the process of being redesigned as well.
All of this came down during a "wake" (2 1/2 years ago) for the death of a family member when she looked down at my hand and came up with a story, making accusations that I "copied" her ring. (her's wasn't even done yet I should mention) Sitting in one of the rows at the funeral home, she started to get very loud and people started staring at us. Trying to have respect for the dead and other family members, I remained quiet while she went on accusing me, telling me that she showed me her new ring design. Like I said, we don't even see each other or even casually speak on the phone and I hadn't seen her in months. How would I ever find this information out to "copy" her ring?
It is so appauling to come up with such an accusation. She has always been this way with me and other people. She accused her brother's wife of copying living room furniture. I know all of this sounds so ridiculous but it's gotten to the point where, of course her husband has sided with her and now it's affected the rest of the family, holidays, parties and so on. We live one block away from each other and I can't even spend Christmas with my neice and nephew. For years we have been hurt by things they do when I haven't done anyting wrong.
I am really convinced that she has a problem. She wants to be the center of attention all of the time. She was the only girl in her family growing up so she was always Daddy's little girl and a princess.
Long, long ago I decided to stear clear but nothing I do is good enough for them or it's always the wrong thing. I simply can't win. I stopped with the favors long ago and now my husband has decided the same. When the confirmation came out last month that after 2 1/2 years my SIL still thinks that I copied, my husband decided that's enough, he will no longer "throw on the cape" either. I'm sure that the next complaint will be that we don't help with anything, anymore.
What would I possibly gain from copying a ring? She shouldn't flatter herself thinking that all I do is sit hear and plot my next attack against her. Her accusations couldn't be farther from the truth.
Sorry to bore you with all of this, I just needed someone to vent to.
She is silly. Maybe the singing telegram idea would be a good one. :o)
Feel free to vent anytime.
lve2read
So your ring looks like this as does her's?
http://www.debeers.com/us/3_stone_rings.php/model/J1AA04B10P
If that is the case then she is an idiot. That is a very common style. Its been around for many, many years. More than 10 because it was around when I got married 9 years ago. So if anything she 'copied' every woman who has this ring. She does sound unstable and a drama queen. I wouldn't have anything to do with her anymore if I were in your shoes.
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange
Hi Scrunchgirl,
Beware......People like your sis in law will confuse and frustrate you to the point of no return....I've been there, lived with this personality type and am now reliving it with our semi new daughter in law....Sometime I will share.....In the meantime, know that you are not losing it........My advice to you.....Do Not respond to her any longer on this issue.....It's a losing battle and you're just feeding her fuel.....Don't try to understand because you never will. Let it go..
Trust me, you will not win so don't play the game with her...
I wish I could take my own advice!!
Take care and good luck
Sharry
Yes, that is exactly how mine looks and would have been for hers as well but she went and stopped production on her "dream-ring" as she once called it. What little words I got out during the "wake" I told her what is the big deal if we have similar rings, who is going to notice? (I was trying to down-play the situation because really WHAT WAS the big deal?) She replied that it would be "tacky." Oh please! So she stopped the order and for another year and a half she walked around without her ring until I guess a couple of months ago she got a new design. I noticed it two weeks ago at a family funtion. I paid no attention to it or her.
Recently my H asked his brother what was wrong because we noticed her attitude wasn't so polite towards us both. His brother claims because of the ring incident. Still after 3 years she has been holding this grudge on me for something that is completely fabricated in her mind. So now the brothers arent' talking.
It is so hard keeping my cool with this.
Just to think I have to put up with her for another 40 years. In the meantime, I'll be waiting to see what I have copied next.
Hi Scrunchygirl!!
Her accusation is ridiculous!!! Even if you did copy off of her ring, what is the big deal?!?!
I have to tell you though, the two rings wouldn't have even been exact. I have round stones on each side and she would of had square ones. It just doesn't make sense. When my H and his B talked last month, one thing stuck in my head. My husband told me that his brother mentioned something about competition. My H replied "who's competing?" but I really don't think his B believes him. I'm not competing, even if I wanted to, I have nothing to compete against anyone with.
They have a nice home, 2 kids and they are financially stable with two excellent careers. We don't have any that, seriously. There are so many problems, I could right a book with 80 chapters but I'll spare everyone.
They make me out to look like some type of "diva" with an attitude but they couldn't be farther from the truth. Maybe if they took the time to know me they would see that I am very humble, laid back and always willing to help people. They just don't see it.
Now the bigger problem is what advice to give to my husband? Remember, the two B's arent't talking now.
You know, I wish they would just leave me alone, I have such larger issues to deal with in life.
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