Need advice on my mother's will and my SIL

Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Need advice on my mother's will and my SIL
14
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 9:21am

Hello:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 10:47am
Hi Chimi - I don't think you should focus on trying to figure out how not to get her to badmouth you. You cannot control what she will say about you or others. You cannot control her mouth and how she feels about her inlaws (your parents). That is a relationship that was created due to actions from parents as well as BIL and SIL and it doesn't really make sense to judge who was right or wrong. I wouldn't focus on what she will say about you.

As for the will, are there other things that your mom had that your SIL would find valuable? Did you talk to your brother about this? What role did he play in creating the will?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 11:30am

Usually, the person who owns the property writes the will (or has their lawyer do it) about how the property is disposed. It may be different in India, but in the US,

Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Thank you both. My brother seems not be interested in caring for mom; he does his part only if he is forced to. I drafted the will in a hurry just as a matter of procedure and to tie all loose ends. So my brother did not have any say in the will. I have divided everything so that my brother and I get equal share in mom's property and other items so that DB and SIL do not b**** about anything. Mom agreed with this approach and is ok with dividing everything 1/2. So I guess I am ok.

Btw, Mom has no interest in drafting a will and basically says DB and I can fight over stuff after she passes!!!!

It just saddens me that SIL has a claim to jewellery in which she has no interest and will prob. throw it away or donate it to charity whereas I have sentimental attachment to the old jewellery. If I ask SIL to give up her claim, she will never understand me and will think I;m being greedy.

Chimi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2002
Either find something specific to give her in the will or buy your mother a "nice" piece of jewerly with the intention that she will leave it to your SIL, just don't let SIL know you are the one who bought it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

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Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Thanks for your input. Due to messy circumstances, I drafted a quick will and my brother knows about it. He can contest the will and take whatever my mom has - I have no interest in fighting him and being bitter all my life. I do have a tiny attachment to the jewellery, that's about it.
Chimi
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

What about revising the will and making it "equal" but not necessarily that you and your brother divide everything in half?Maybe you get all of the jewelry but brother gets more of something else, and his wife gets something that she might actually want or like. Many times an estate is not divided exactly equally but the survivors do get things that have value to them. Any cash value should be divided equally between you and your brother unless your mother stipulates differently.

Will a will handwritten by a beneficiary be accepted as legal in India? Even if your brother does not contest it? You might want to look into that and/or get your mom to an attorney anyway, as others have suggested, to make sure that problems related to the will do not come up when she dies.

Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Thanks. I think a handwritten will is accepted in India. I saw newspaper articles there about how a will witnessed by two people is valid.
SIL will grumble about whatever she is given or takes and will complain that I 'did better' than her. Oh well... thanks for the input.
Chimi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 12:06pm

I can only speak from my own experiences.

Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
You have summed up things very well and I am tending to agree with you. Mom will pass on but DB and SIL will the only close relatives for me left. But I sitll have this attachment to the old necklaces and bracelets that mom has - maybe I will get over these attachments if I give it some time.


You are so wise and I thank you - Chimi

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