Need Ideas

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2011
Need Ideas
Tue, 10-16-2012 - 4:12pm

My husband has a family member whom we are very close to.  I am like a mother-figure for her.  She likes to keep in touch with us by telephone, email, visits, and text.  Recently I had a medical situation and she came to stay with us to help me.  She is a wonderful person but she is a bit on the high-maintenance side, so instead of being able to relax and heal, I was running around trying to keep her and her children amused.

I might be having some surgery soon.  I am still waiting for the test results.  If I do need surgery it will be pretty major and I will not be allowed to work for about 2 months.  We know that she is going to want to come for a visit to help us.  My husband is going to be busy running the business alone and I am going to be in too much pain to entertain her.   There is really nothing that she can do to help us.  She will want to bring her children with her when she is here.

My husband doesn't want me to mention this to her.  He would prefer that she not come as that would be easier on us both.  However, if she ever finds out about this, she will be very hurt that we didn't say anything and I'm not sure how I can just disappear for a bit and her not notice.

Does anyone have any ideas how best to handle this delicate situation, if I do need the surgery?

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
In reply to: chia2011
Tue, 10-16-2012 - 4:44pm


Just be honest if you can...Tell her that you won't be up for company...Doctor's Orders!...:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
In reply to: chia2011
Wed, 10-17-2012 - 1:54pm

Or another gentle way would be to tell her a close friend is helping out this time and since she did so much for you last time that you want to give her a break, and remind her how much you appreciated her help ( or the thought of her help ) the last time.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
In reply to: chia2011
Wed, 10-17-2012 - 3:28pm

You should tell her about the possibilit of you having surgery since she is so close to you.  If/when she gets excited and says that she wants to come and help, just let her know that you won't be needing her help this time, but you really appreciate the offer.  You could tell her that maybe she could come over and visit some times while you are healing.  I like the idea of saying "per doctors orders", that takes it off of you and puts it on the doc.  I am afraid that if you don't tell her and she finds out anyway, she will be hurt and I know you don't want that.  On the other hand......hopefully there is no surgery and you can avoid this convo altogether!

Good luck and keep us posted on the outcome of the results.  Praying for you.