Normal for in-laws to fully finance 27 and 24 yr old kids?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Normal for in-laws to fully finance 27 and 24 yr old kids?
16
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 12:54am

Is it normal for parents of 27 and 24 year old sons to fully finance every aspect of their life?  They are still in college but it seems a little old to me for the parents to be paying for everything from car insurance to gas to tuition to rent to food to cell phones to car notes.  Not to mention the parents step in for any and every problem they have?  I wasn't raised like this so it seems a little strange to me.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

No, its not normal. The majority of parents either cannot afford to do it or refuse to do it to make the kids grow up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
As long as I was in college or graduate school, my parents did the same for me. I worked part-time regularly, but they didn't want me to. Told me it was a distraction from my studies. (might have been true, cause I quit college a couple of times to pursue full-time jobs (fun jobs haha)... I kept going back, though, and got my degrees.)

We'll celebrate my father's 80th b.d. in 2 weeks.

I don't think either of my parents regret giving me the best they could afford in school. I'm giving right back to them now. Not money, they have their own.

They spent more money on my education than the other 4 kids (only cause I was the one that kept going, 2 dropped out, etc.). And guess who is the only one still around? Oh wait, one's in rehab.... let's hope it works this time.

Sorry for the rant. Sheesh. Apparently I have some pent-up issues, lol!

Do you want to tell us some more specifics? I'd love to hear your story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

I think people run their lives in many different ways because it's what seems right to them.  While it might not be "normal" looking at it from one perspective, from their perspective or for their reasons it might be perfectly normal. 

I'm curious...as long as it's not YOU who are supporting them they why do you care?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008

27 seems a bit old to me - I wasn't raised with any help and quite honestly I'm okay with it.  It would have been nice to have someone foot the bill but who knows I might not have taken it as seriously had I not had to do the work myself.  It's hard to say.  I have two boys in college 21 and 19 and I pay for everything.  They are both in Engineering and I truly understand what a difficult degree that is.  I don't want them working now.  But, I've already told my son that if he goes to law school we'll help some but quite honestly, we have to start saving for ourselves. 

In your question  and at 24 and 27 if there are no graduate degrees being earned or/and if the kids are acting irresponsible and just taking advantage and being lazy then no - it is absolutely unacceptable.  Is it normal?  Well, sadly many from my experience have thought that they had to do this for the good of their kids, when in fact often they are just creating kids that can not fend for themselves and will live a lifetime of sponging off of others.

Tell us more about the 27 and 24 year olds.  And, about their parents?  Every situation is different.

 

As for is it any of your business - well, probably not.  I think it is easy to get caught up in family issues because we know that something is inheritantly wrong.  But, I believe that unless it effects me, I'm not going to get involve.  The only time I will say that I did step in on a situation like this is when I felt my sister and bil were taking financial advantage of my mom who had lost my dad just a couple of years prior and they were really taking monies that my mom should not have been giving.

 

But, I felt like I had to to protect her. 

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

<I might not have taken it as seriously had I not had to do the work myself>

I agree with you, many kids need to "have some skin in the game" to really take school seriously and appreciate the help that they are receiving. The time at university is also about more than just academics, they are getting a taste of living semi-independently. Learning how to handle money is part of that education.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008

Good Point - College/univeristy is a time for kids to make that adjustment of leaving their parents homes and fending for themselves.  My DH and I laugh at some of the things our boys have had to figure out on their own...

 

an example - middle son at 18 was helping a girl and friend move from their apartment - they used his jeep (old cherokee) to move the mattress - couldn't find rope and decided to use kite string - I'm laughing as I type this....but it was a great lesson to learn.  Really???? Kite string??? I think even my 10 year old could have figured that out but hey - we all do stupid things, that's how we learn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001

I think it's becoming more and more common.

I personally don't think it's a good trend.

I have a 27 and 24 year old daughters.  Both are dating boys who are being fully funded by their parents.  I know it frustrates my dd's and at times makes them both feel sorry for themselves.  Oh well . . . That's their  boyfriends' parents choice.  Not to fund my children fully is my choice too.

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001

Not the norm, but, everyone is different.

 

The best thing to do here is step back and not interfere in other people's relationships.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

So if a parent CAN afford to finance a 20-something year old's life they should??

Like some PP said, there is no one-size-fit-all answer to that.  For example, if the 20-something is in medical school, and the parents have the means and the desire to do so, I don't see anything wrong with that.  It is extremely rare that someone could go to medical school and hold down a part-time job.

There is also more than one way to teach a child financial responsibility.  My parents funded my entire undergraduate education.  (I worked now and then, mostly for play money).  They did, however, told me that my job is to study hard and get good grades.  I don't think their action made me financially ignorant or irresponsible.  I have a savings, checking, and money market account since I was 15 and started contributing to retirement at 16.  I have no credit card debt, no car loans, and paid off the mortgage of my primary residence shortly after I turned 40.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008

I also think what you are saying makes very good sense.  I have two boys in college and I don't want them working now - again - for us, their job is to get this education out of the way so that they can be successful in the future.  I also can see your point about medical school or law school.

 

I personally, hate to see so many kids getting out of college loaded with debt.  I just think they are setting themselves up for failure.  My boys know there are limits to what we can and will do for them financially and it does come with obligations on their part - just not job obligations now.