Now MIL makes NO CONTACT !
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|Sat, 08-11-2012 - 10:59pm|
A while ago I posted about MIL having the key to our house and feeling like she could drop off documents for DH ( she is widowed and he sorts out ALL of her expenses/ banking/ finances) She was dropping by 2-3 times per week, and always on her way to picking up her Daughters children from school ( not mine - SIL's) So she would come by mostly at about 2pm and I would always open door, greet her, have a 5 min conversation always about SIL kids and she would drop off docs and then leave. That was the extent of our relationship. To be honest, I dont really care to hear about SIL kids.
MIL has never invited us to her home for the last 10 years or longer - no festival meal, birthday celebration, Xmas, Easter, Sunday lunch NOTHING for years and years. The last time my kids went to her place was more or less when FIL passed away. She never invites us out for a meal and always says that she will come to my home when we invite her, but whenever I invite her, she actually checks with SIL first to see if its OK for her to come here. I think this is rude.
She favors SIL over anyone else , even tho' my DH does EVERYTHING for her to keep her going. She would not think to herself .. "gee its great that my son takes such good care of my financial needs, maybe Ill take his family out for lunch or dinner occasionally? " It just never occurs to her. Lately, we have been going out for Sunday night dinners, because I need a break from cooking occasionally, and DH has invited her and she always says no, she is busy. So even when we invite her to join us with the kids, she cant be bothered.
I think she has decided not to talk to me or bother phoning or contacting me since DH told her to stop using her key to come into our house. ( forgot to mention that if I wasnt home when she would need to drop off her docs. she would enter my house and leave the folder inside. ) This would really IRK me as I feel like there has been a home invasion.
She is a very self interested woman, and grew up very privilieged, where people more or less swooned around her. She has quite a lot of friends, as her late hsuband ( my late FIL) was quite an intellectual and they made many friends. She can be a very charming vivacious woman, and is very well groomed at all times, so people respond well to her. What they dont realise is how fake she is, she is the most pathetic grandmother and useless MIL anyone could ever NOT WISH for. She is a very ego centric sort of person, and is extremeley put out when criticised. In fact, I think because she can no longer just DROP IN to my house and treat me and my house as though its a place for her to drop off documents and have no other contact with me or my children because SHE MAKES NO EFFORT, never has and never will, she has now decided to have NO CONTACT AT ALL with me. She will phone up every week once a week and ask how the kids are but thats her entire involvement. And only speak to my husband. She pretends that she is interested in my kids but makes NO EFFORT TO SEE THEM. Otherwise, she is at her daughters house every day, cooking, cleaning, driving the kids places, and being the maid.
I have never appreciated the fact that she does this and feel that ist totally wrong to favour your children. One day I feel like letting her know how I feel, but not sure if its worth the effort.
Its interesting for me to read all the other posts and see that even though families are dysfunctional, and that people say hurtful things to each other, I have never been invited to her home with my kids to even see what it would be like to have a meal there and that to me seems more hurtful. If I dont do the inviting, then we dont see her socially and then I feel that my kids miss out. But what are they truly missing out on ? A horrible woman who plays favourites? A selfish woman who my DH dotes on?
Should I do anything to change the status quo ? Should I perk up and say something or do I stay quiet and ENJOY THE FACT THAT SHE IS NO LONGER AROUND. I really dont think she cares one way or another that she is not part of our lives. And the way I see it, it works both ways, she is OUR lives are not part of hers. What would you - the reader - DO ?? thanks