Problems with the in-laws

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2013
Problems with the in-laws
3
Fri, 11-15-2013 - 12:57am
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 11-15-2013 - 11:14am

It sounds like your MIL has some psychiatric problems or at least emotional issues so I think your best best is to spend as little time with them as possible.  You & your DH have to set boundaries and make it clear that if they are going to disrespect you & cause problems, then you just will not see them--and you have to stick to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2013
Fri, 11-15-2013 - 4:00pm

Thanks for reading and posting MusicLover12,

I couldn't agree more that it would be a great idea to distance ourselves from them as they don't really treat us like family much anymore. The only one who still treats us right and respects us is the FIL and he works nearly 16hrs a day so I think he doesn't see or experience what me and DH have been through with BIL, MIL, and SIL otherwise I think he'd say something to them about it. That's one of the reasons we haven't distanced ourselves from them because we don't want to punish the FIL. The MIL does have some emotional and psychiatric problems that she does take medicines for and that's why I've tried to overlook some smaller situations but I also don't think that it excuses her behavior towards us. I agree that we need to set more boundaries of what is okay and what is a no-no and we are working on it. It just breaks my heart that my DH would have to go through all of this. I'm an only child so I really don't understand the whole sibling rivalry and the parents picking favorites thing. I really don't care if my DH family likes me or not but I have trouble seeing how they can use my DH for money or things they want and then kick him to the curb. I will say that I always found it strange that ever since we started dating back in 2007 that his brother and sister never bought him a Birthday gift but they were more than happy to tell him what they wanted for theirs and it was stuff that was expensive. I do know that if my own family treated me like I was just money bags to them then I'd disown them but I'd never ask that of my DH because that's the only family he has and I don't want to sink to a low of making him choose between me or them. Anyway, I'm definitely going to try to talk to DH about more boundaries we can set to make our lives less stressful and thanks for the advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Sun, 11-17-2013 - 11:02am

Dr. Phil's website has great advice about dealing with problem in-laws. You should be discussing with your husband what he needs to say to his mother when she acts inappropriately. He's her son and he needs to be in charge. You can use past issues to come up with the right dialogue. If she starts to throw things away, he needs to say, "This is our house and our belongings. We will decide what needs to be thrown away or not. Put the items down." Who cares if her feelings are hurt? She doesn't care about anyone else's. When she starts badmouthing your family, he needs to say, "I won't have negative talk in this house. It's hurtful." If she doesn't stop, he needs to ask her to leave and tell her she's welcome back when she can stay positive. If your husband isn't around or won't confront his mother, then you'll have to do it for the sake of your child, as well as your own well being.