Promised food and got chips and dip? WTH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2008
Promised food and got chips and dip? WTH?
5
Mon, 12-30-2013 - 1:21pm

Well it may not have gone as planned but i made it through christmas without a fight! After all the fuss my BF mother put up about keeping her family traditions sacred...well she got a big slap in the fact and it was her fault. Christmas Eve I had to work only because I wanted to to stay away from his family longer. Well I rushed home to get dressed and make it with the boys over to his Nanas house as planned to eat at 6. Well my sister came into town and decided to go with me to keep me company. Well we got there just before 5 and of course no one was there except his Nana. Well the whole house smelled like dog piss because his Nana doesn't know how to clean up after a dog she doesnt want to take care of. And we begin the wait!  And we waited...and we waited...and we waited. At 7:30 my BF decides to call his mom...we are starving because we  were promised food at 6! Well they are leaving the house which is 30 min away and has to pick up his sister and her two kids because her car is broken. At 8 he calls again...she is at his sisters house and waiting on the kids because her BF mom has them and whatever they are doing wont be done until 8:30...Really! So when they finally roll in the door at 9 I am so mad I cant stand it...but I keep my mouth shut. My poor baby who is 5 has been snacking on whatever he can and I have let him because all the restaurants are closed. And what threw me over the edge was when she said she was bringing food....she put down some chips and dip and a cheese ball and crackers! What the Hell people! Are you serious?!?!?! Had I known this I would have eaten before we left the house! My poor baby looked at me and said "Mama I dont want that! I want food!" And I hope that B**** Heard that. Because I told my BF I will never attend a holiday with his family again. This has always been how it is and I am so sick and tired of it I can't stand it! Even Christmas day when we had to go over there early and she said she would have lunch ready no later than 1 and we ate at 230! Oh hell no! She got mad at me because I didn't eat much. Well that was because I promised my Grandmother I would be at her house at 5 to eat dinner at 530-6. And dang it I was going hungry no matter what. I wasn't going to spoil my appetite because they cant get it together. Please tell me if you would stop spending holidays with them too? Just curious

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Mon, 12-30-2013 - 1:37pm
That's some BS. How long have you and your BF been together? Is spending time with his family during the holidays important to him? If so, then you need to find a way to compromise. If it was me and his mother said 5:00 for dinner, then I would accept the invitation and then make sure they know that you have to leave at 7:00 and offer to bring a dish to share. That way, you're not wasting your entire evening, and you can never say you didn't try.
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 12-30-2013 - 1:54pm

My oh my!  I am suprised you hung out until 9:00 waiting!  Especially with a 5 year old.  

Yea, I mean you can't change anyone.  Sure, it would be wonderful if they did change, but I wouldn't plan my Christmas around it ever happening.  

If your child is with your BF and this is the little one's family, then I think you may want to consider still going.  However, I would set a time limit (ahead of time with your BF) as to how long you will stay.  This is regardless of what the rest of the family does.  This is also assuming your BF still wants to go over there.  

Now, with that said, do keep in mind that you did choose to stay and wait.  I don't think there would have been anything wrong with leaving when you found out the mother had not even left her house.  You have a 5 year old and you are are all hungry.  That is reason enough.  You can leave in a polite way, but leave.   "So sorry, but we planned around eating at 6:00, so we need to get home so we can eat and get child to bed on time."   You BF wants to stay?  Then he can get a ride home from his family.  

So, I say go, but plan ahead of time with your BF on an exit plan.  Or, any chance doing next Christmas at your place?

Serenity CL making a second marriage work

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 12-30-2013 - 4:10pm

I probably would not have stayed so long at a place being miserable.  when it was clear that there was going to be no party & no food, I would have just gone home and said that the kids were hungry and you had to feed them.  Why stay & then be mad?  I would probably consider the way his family is if you decide to go to their houses again for a holiday--so now you know that they aren't on time and you won't get fed--so you could arrange to eat at home just in case or arrange w/ your BF that you would only stay for a certain amt. of time and if everybody isn't there, too bad--you were there when they told you to be there.  I used to hate gonig to my ex's family for holidays just because it wasn't like my family's.  We are Italian and it was important to have a nice dinner, to set the table, to have plenty of food and to stay at the table eating and talking for a couple of hours.  Now I'd go to my ex's family and the dinner wasn't that special, my MIL wasn't a good cook, you had to take your food the first time things went around the table cause there were 6 kids and no one asked if you wanted seconds--by the time we had kids, maybe there wasn't even enough places to sit but my MIL didn't think about that beforehand and it was kind of chaotic.  But I did have to put up with it occasionally because it was his family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2014
Thu, 01-23-2014 - 12:51pm

I agree with the others - I think that you should learn from this experience and make decisions based on this in the future.  Go, but expect that if they are not there within so many minutes of the time discussed that you leave.  I wouldn't continue to put myself out there if time and time again, they let you down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2008
Wed, 07-02-2014 - 12:32pm

Thanks! I have tried what you all have said and set time limits. Of course my BF doesnt see that as a good idea. He keeps telling me well you know they will be here any minute. And of course it is an hour later. Now I just bring my car so I can leave when I want. They have gotten a little more pissy with me but I have told them that "I have a 5 year old and he comes first" They got mad because I went and got him some food and then went to their house with the food. I said well he was hungry now and it is dinner time now... not 3 hours from now. His sister has gotten more rediculous as well. I had planned this huge party for my sister who was turning 24 with the rest of the family pitching in. Well I was nice and invited his family and his sister decided not to show at the last minute and didn't tell me. My mother made favors for her kids even though they were not coming. Her mother was mad with her too and was at least a good grandma and took the kids some food, goodies, and their gift bags. I sent her a message that said i was upset with her not coming and not at least telling some one. She said it was not like her and  my sister were friends anyway and she was exhausted from having company every other weekend to every weekend. Well we havent been to her house in weeks and she has had friends over every weekend and has allowed their unstable father and his mother to keep the kids almost every weekend so she can be alone and be with friends. She doesnt think I know. I told her it would be so exhausting if she didnt spend every weekend with friends and if she didn't want to come just not to anymore. Of course i didn't get a response to that. Im glad i am spending less time with them... less drama and BS to put up with. Rant over! LOL