Seeing Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Seeing Red
15
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 6:27pm

After a sordid history growing up and being continually used, lied on and manipulated by my FIL, my DH has decided that he wants nothing to do with them. (This behavior has carried into DH’s adulthood) We do not have a home phone (partly because the IL’s would be on it constantly) so the only way for them to make contact is by calling me at work.

I have already done all the ‘you can’t call me here’ stuff and my FIL called last night and told me that DH needed to grow up and start being a ‘man’ and facing his problems. He said that MIL is very hurt because DH hasn’t called her since February and he is mad at DH for hurting his ‘momma’.

I told him that I could not talk to him and that DH was an adult and I would tell him that his mom would like to hear from him but I couldn’t make him do anything.

FIL became very angry and screamed at me “that it is da*n obvious that I can make him do whatever the h*ll I want and that I have ruined him by shaking my p***y in his face and that he should come up here and kick my a** and drag my husband home with them”.

I am at a dilemma because I did not tell my husband about this phone call. My husband does not like his father – to the extent that he has threatened him with bodily harm in the past.
I am afraid that if he was to find out he would hurt him, but at the same time how do I make it perfectly clear that I will not be treated like this by him/them ever again?

Thanks for any advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
In reply to: alleycat007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 6:48pm

I think a nice restraining order would get your point across very nicely.

Terri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: alleycat007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 7:54pm

Indeed. Phone calls after being told to stop is harassing, even stalking. *And* threatening violence and bodily harm, that's a two-fer!

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
In reply to: alleycat007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 7:55pm
That would be a dream come true so we would not have to deal with them, but unfortunate for me, I did not record our conversation and since they don't live in the same state, it is pretty much impossible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
In reply to: alleycat007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 8:02pm
i would have your dh call them and tell them what's going on. he'll hear about the call sooner or later, and since they're in another state, he's not as likely to hop in the car and go there for a visit... send them a certified letter telling them to quit harassing you. it won't do much, but maybe a more offical approach will give them the hint.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
In reply to: alleycat007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 8:47pm
I think that you should have your phone number changed and you should not give that number to your il's. They should get the message when they have tried to call you and can't reach you. And then when your dh is ready to call them for a friendly chat, he can do so only by his cell number so that way they will not have a way to reach you and harass you anymore. Honestly, if my fil said those nasty things to me I would never talk to him again. And when I saw his number show up on caller i.d. I would NEVER answer the phone. Remember, these are not your parent's, they are your dh's and you don't owe any obligations to them. The best way to avoid situations like these is to keep yourself away from them. Hope it works out for ya.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: alleycat007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:15am

You said he called you at work, can you have someone else screen your calls?

Your co-worker could ask who's calling please? You just leave him on hold.

If he gets through to you, you say, "hold please" hit the hold button and check in about 2 minutes to see if he's still there. If he continues to hold (his dime, right?) just say, "hold please" and leave him for another few minutes.

He gets abusive to a co-worker? How are you instructed to handle verbal abuse? Is it something like, "I will not listen to that talk. I'm hanging up now. "?

I agree you should let your DH know, just to pass on the info, that he called. Don't get into the habit of "protecting" him. And *do* get into the habit of protecting *you* from them.

hth.

ilve2read

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: alleycat007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 7:34am
You have to tell him what his father said to you. If anyone ever spoke that way to me, they would be cut off immediately. No ifs, ands, or buts. I just love how some of these ILS think that the woman somehow makes the man not call and see them. Yep, gotta love that golden, magic "p". LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: alleycat007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 1:32pm

I'd install sevurity at your house, have friends walk you to your car, document any incident with your in-laws, no matter how innocent they seem, change your number, and if you ever hear his voice on the phone again, hang up before he can get a word out. Noone has the right to talk to you that way.

Definately tell DH about the incident.




Edited 5/1/2007 1:34 pm ET by patience_is_a_virtue
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2007
In reply to: alleycat007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 2:44pm

First Tell your DH
Second Let your supervisor know what is going on
Third Send a CERTIFIED RETURN/RECEIPT LETTER stating that they are not to contact you on your cell phone/at your place of business or anything else as that will from this point forward be considered harrassment/stalking and YOU WILL Proceed with the next LEGAL step.
Fourth Contact your local law enforcement office and file a complaint what he did was threaten you and you need a report for the harrassment.
Fifth contact their local law enfocement office with a copy of the report from your agency and let them know that you are in the process of obtaining a court order
Sixth contact the courts in both areas and begin the process for an no contact order/restraining order (cya)

Most importantly though DOCUMENT EVERYTHING

Frances


Proud Wife & SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
In reply to: alleycat007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 5:08pm
I would recommend via a lawyer a cease and desist letter registered mail and also a no contact order.

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