Seeing Red
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| Mon, 04-30-2007 - 6:27pm |
After a sordid history growing up and being continually used, lied on and manipulated by my FIL, my DH has decided that he wants nothing to do with them. (This behavior has carried into DH’s adulthood) We do not have a home phone (partly because the IL’s would be on it constantly) so the only way for them to make contact is by calling me at work.
I have already done all the ‘you can’t call me here’ stuff and my FIL called last night and told me that DH needed to grow up and start being a ‘man’ and facing his problems. He said that MIL is very hurt because DH hasn’t called her since February and he is mad at DH for hurting his ‘momma’.
I told him that I could not talk to him and that DH was an adult and I would tell him that his mom would like to hear from him but I couldn’t make him do anything.
FIL became very angry and screamed at me “that it is da*n obvious that I can make him do whatever the h*ll I want and that I have ruined him by shaking my p***y in his face and that he should come up here and kick my a** and drag my husband home with them”.
I am at a dilemma because I did not tell my husband about this phone call. My husband does not like his father – to the extent that he has threatened him with bodily harm in the past.
I am afraid that if he was to find out he would hurt him, but at the same time how do I make it perfectly clear that I will not be treated like this by him/them ever again?
Thanks for any advice.

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I think a nice restraining order would get your point across very nicely.
Terri
Indeed. Phone calls after being told to stop is harassing, even stalking. *And* threatening violence and bodily harm, that's a two-fer!
ilve2read
You said he called you at work, can you have someone else screen your calls?
Your co-worker could ask who's calling please? You just leave him on hold.
If he gets through to you, you say, "hold please" hit the hold button and check in about 2 minutes to see if he's still there. If he continues to hold (his dime, right?) just say, "hold please" and leave him for another few minutes.
He gets abusive to a co-worker? How are you instructed to handle verbal abuse? Is it something like, "I will not listen to that talk. I'm hanging up now. "?
I agree you should let your DH know, just to pass on the info, that he called. Don't get into the habit of "protecting" him. And *do* get into the habit of protecting *you* from them.
hth.
ilve2read
I'd install sevurity at your house, have friends walk you to your car, document any incident with your in-laws, no matter how innocent they seem, change your number, and if you ever hear his voice on the phone again, hang up before he can get a word out. Noone has the right to talk to you that way.
Definately tell DH about the incident.
Edited 5/1/2007 1:34 pm ET by patience_is_a_virtue
First Tell your DH
Second Let your supervisor know what is going on
Third Send a CERTIFIED RETURN/RECEIPT LETTER stating that they are not to contact you on your cell phone/at your place of business or anything else as that will from this point forward be considered harrassment/stalking and YOU WILL Proceed with the next LEGAL step.
Fourth Contact your local law enforcement office and file a complaint what he did was threaten you and you need a report for the harrassment.
Fifth contact their local law enfocement office with a copy of the report from your agency and let them know that you are in the process of obtaining a court order
Sixth contact the courts in both areas and begin the process for an no contact order/restraining order (cya)
Most importantly though DOCUMENT EVERYTHING
Frances
Proud Wife & SAHM
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