Seriously Annoyed

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
Seriously Annoyed
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 11:42am

My sister is getting married next year on the West Coast (we + ILs live on East Coast). Wedding date and venue have been set. Everyone has been told to hold the date. My ILs (MIL & FIL and BIL + family) have all confirmed that they will be there for the wedding. I mentioned that DH and I will be taking two weeks off for the wedding to go to the West Coast to help prep (it's an Indian wedding so lots and lots to do/help with!) SIL knows about the date and would now like to hold big birthday bash for her 5-year old daughter on the same weekend in their home state Indiana). Are you kidding me?! She hasn't directly told me but has starting insinuating.  

This will put my ILs and DH in a pickle and now they'll have to make choices that they don't want to make: Attend my sister's wedding or attend gradndaughter's birthday party...

I wish this woman would show a little bit of understanding!



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 12:12pm

People have lots of birthdays, but (hopefully) only one wedding.  I'd send a gift to the 5 year old (if you normally send birthday gifts to her) and go help out with the wedding!  I wouldn't give one second's thought to whether or not I would attend both events...I wouldn't even consider being at the birthday party!  This woman is just being selfish and using her child as a pawn.  I would NOT enable that behavior by trying to figure out how to make "everybody" happy by attending both functions.

Obviously your in-laws have a relationship with your parents (or your sister) as they're traveling across the country to attend the wedding. How sad that SIL is so self-centered she purposefully chose to cause this problem for the whole family! 

In MY family, I would simply tell my daughter that the weekend in question is already booked and that since she has a whole year to plan, she needs to come up with a better date for the birthday party.  5 year olds don't have to have their party exactly on their birth date...if she's so spoiled she has to have it ON her birthday, then her parents can invite a few of her friends over and have the family event on another date.  I wouldn't spend the next year stressing over've already made your plans, so go with those plans.

Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 12:48pm
I agree with sillysadie - go for the wedding and just wish the kid happy birthday by phone. C' this some power game or something?

Enjoy a big fat Indian wedding!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 1:41pm

I think she's upset because the mil/fil and bil will choose to go to the bday party and not to her sisters wedding.


It is a horrible thing that the sil is doing - of course life is all about her and she's doing it out of spite (I would bet on that).  Not much you can do but hope that the inlaws do the right thing.