She sneaks in when we're gone

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
She sneaks in when we're gone
14
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:23am

Ok, so I'll try to make this as brief as possible but still get out the main details so I can get some help from someone who might of had this problem before and tell me what in the heck to do ...

My BF and I have been living together for almost 6 years, no kids. My MIL and I always had a good relationship and would go to lunch, and play board games 2-3 times a month. She also lived one neighborhood over from us w/ the FIL, SIL, BIL, and their 2 kids.

About a year ago they purchased land out of state and sold their home here w/out having a new place set up for them all to move to. My BF asked if MIL and SIL's 2 kids could stay w/ us for a week while they fixed up a place for them all to move into about 45 min. away.

A week turned into a little over a month and my relationship w/ the MIL became strained to say the least. She did not clean, cook, or even offer to help w/ the added utility/food or household expenses that four extra people bring (especially since BF and I both work full time and our living expenses were fairly low). Although I must admit that she did purchase some snack food and hotdogs a couple of times, however I eat niether of those things. We just live different lifestyles ... flat out! She sleeps until at least noon, we wake up early and like to be out and about, but would have to watch the kids. I began to feel like my kindness was being taken advantage of ... but I tried to be understanding of the situation and respectful towards my BF's fam.

So of course she had a key, my BF had given it to her since we both leave pretty early and get home late in the evening. In the past I had a hide-a-key and from time to time we would ask her if she could check on our dogs while we were at work if one of them was sick or whatnot. Anyways, MIL finally moved out w/ the kids about 45 min. away w/ the rest of the IL's.

One day a couple months ago I wasn't feeling well and came home around 10 a.m. and when I came around the corner I saw her vehicle parked in my driveway. My jaw dropped. Then my eyeballs popped out when I saw her coming out the front door w/ curlers ... my curlers ... in her hair. Then it was her turn, she dropped her jaw when she saw me walking up and then very nonchalantly asked what I was doing. I blurted out that I was coming to MY HOUSE and asked her what she was doing. She said that she dropped FIL off at work this morning and she wanted to finish getting ready and then was just going to hang around until he got off of work ... and here's the kicker ... LIKE SHE NORMALLY DOES! Now, I'm not sure if it was the fever getting to me or my brain was about to overheat but I felt hot all over and there was an extremely long awkward pause and she left very quickly. I found that she had my hair products strewn about the bathroom ... which btw I keep in my underware drawer in my bedroom.

So basically MIL and FIL have been coming to our home with the kids when we are gone at work to take showers (gross!!!), eat my food, watch my tv, crank down the a/c and just relax before, during and after work. WTH? And for months I had been gripping to BF for eating the dinner I prepared ahead of time, using all the towels, using and moving my hair gels and other random things. So my BF didn't know what MIL and FIL were up to either. I was shocked. I tried not to let it get me really upset but the more I think about the more I think I have a right to be upset. It's just really wierd. We never go to her home w/out being invited, especially when she's not there unless she asked us to check on something while she was out of town or whatever.

I have been racking my brain for the past couple of months on how to handle this situation and how to get my damn key back w/ out just flat out ruining our relationship ... which is pretty nonexistant at this point ... I thought maybe she got the hint and wouldn't do it anymore. I haven't noticed things out of place anymore. I also do not want to upset my BF, I respect that she is his mom and he tried to be very considerate of my private time when they stayed w/ us tried to help enforce some sort of rules for them in our home.

Then, two days ago, I come home from work and there is MIL sitting on the couch w/ my BF. BF had planned on going fishing after work w/ his friends and when I asked w/ happened she says that her and FIL slept in got a late start off for SAM's and he had to go to work for a couple of hours so she dropped him off, rather than driving 45 min to the boondocks home and decided she would wait for him at our home. I was pretty short w/ her when she tried to talk w/ me. She asked me what was wrong, I halfway told the truth when I responded w/ I've had a stressful day and just wanted to relax. I am upset the my BF cancelled his fishing trip b/c his mom called and said she was going to our house and he knew how I'd react if I had come home again to find her there hangin out.

I'm sick of feeling like I have to check every item in my home before I leave and when I get home all w/ out my BF knowing that MIL is on my last nerve. Talk about being stuck between a rock and hard place. Has anybody else been in a similar situation? If so, help me out here!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 6:07pm
I talk with your bf and change
the locks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 12:00pm

Hi Stayouttamyhouse, welcome to the board!

That is nasty that she was using all of your hair products, etc.! Besides the fact that she was at your house without your permission while you weren't home.

The best thing to do is to change all the door locks and NO ONE besides your BF and you have a key. Also, I would let your BF in on what you found out about your MIL, etc. staying there during the day when no one is home. I think you have EVERY RIGHT to be extremely upset with your MIL, etc. for being in your house without your permission. I would let your BF know that unless they are INVITED, they are NOT to come over. Period. I hope he agrees with you and gets upset at what his mother did.

Sounds like you need to replace your rollers, hair products and towels now, too. Can't believe that they would just use your house like that without asking. I guess she doesn't realize how presumptuous, rude and outright inconsiderate that is. If your situation ever happened to me, my DH would have an EARFUL and the locks would be changed immediately, even if I had to call and locksmith and take the day off from work to change them.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 5:42pm
well,if she came to my house looking for
hair products she wouldn't find much just
some sheen lotion and a beat up hair dryer,
LOL!!!! I have a short easy hair cut don't
need much for my hair. But I would really
consider just changing all the locks on
your doors and if you catch her there again
call the police,gees I can't belive someone
would do such a thing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 5:52pm
OMG is there anyway you 2 can get new locks is there anyway your man can grow some balls and tell his mom to quit coming over and start having some boundaries set up tell him to start doing this or your going to be elsewhere so you can get some peace again !

 

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