SIL "sentinel" problems
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|Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:27pm|
First, let me say that it can be difficult to come into a new family, and my DH's family is no exception. MIL can be quite challenging at times. However, that said, my new SIL is very, very difficult for all of us to handle. She and BIL have been involved with each other--total, from first date to now--about a year and a half. In that year and a half, I've watched this person systematically destroy BIL's relationships within his family. We were all looking forward so happily to their wedding--until the actual week of the festivities. In four days (yes, that's *days*), SIL said exactly one sentence to me; she did not speak to or have any contact with MIL *at all*. This, despite sitting next to her at the rehearsal dinner and MIL doing much of the organizational work for the wedding. She didn't have manners enough to even return the best man's toast by raising her glass when he came over to her (best man was DH). SIL wrote a speech for BIL to give (which he did, verbatim) that publicly insulted MIL by rehashing different issues they've had. It was stunning to watch. There's so much more, I won't list it all. I've never encountered someone so full of vitriol and so willing to publicly air it. :-(
This brings me to the problem: now, seven months later, no one can get through to BIL--not by email--SIL will respond and decide if BIL "needs" to see your email; and she'll tell you she is deleting it w/o him seeing it; not by phone--SIL answers all calls and will not apparently pass on messages. Mail is a waste of time; she'll read it or trash it. We live far away from them, so we can't just drop in unannounced. We'd invited them for Thanksgiving; they canceled the Monday of that week, saying they never had airline tix. (They did; we even had their seat numbers from the itinerary they'd originally sent us and apparently forgot about.) This may not sound like a big deal, but it also made us unable to invite anyone else from the family due to $$ of last minute tix. SIL/BIL have completely ignored all holidays/birthdays/occasions for his side of the family (the whole side); even Grandma isn't immune. They didn't simply ignore holidays; we've heard from friends that they received gifts, etc. No thank-yous were sent for the wedding gifts, no acknowledgements of receipt were sent or voiced, either. Wedding pics have been circulated and ordered (without any of us even seeing them--even MIL or GMIL); and the list goes on and on...
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what we might be able to do (other than grin and grit our teeth when we talk about the "lost son"?)