SIL worries too much

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
SIL worries too much
5
Wed, 07-03-2013 - 9:29am

Hello,

I'll make this as brief as possible.  My husband's sister is going to drive us nuts.  If she cannot reach my MIL and FIL for like a day, she calls us.  (MIL doesn't always use/answer her cell phone)  We don't talk to them everyday either, so sometimes we can't say much other than the fact that we're sure they're fine.  We go for a week at a time sometimes without talking to them.  They are 77 and 80 years old but do not have any memory loss, besides normal aging, and are both physically capable of getting around.  Besides, the odds of something happening to both of them at the same time so that the other couldn't call us for help, pretty low.  Unless their house burns down, in which case we would see the smoke because we live only 3 miles away from them! 

Recently my granddaughter had a drs. appt. by where we live.  We live closer to a big city so there are specialists.  My son told my MIL, who told my SIL.  SIL called us after the fact and asked me 3 times if she was O.K.  YES, the baby is fine!!!  Shouldn't I, the grandmother, be the one that's worried???   I wasn't worried because I was certain my DIL was overreacting to something, and it was nothing to worry about.  

Her excessive worrying is enough to drive me to drink!  (JUST KIDDING!)   When my cell phone rang when we were at a grad party that she couldn't reach MIL and FIL, I wanted to though!   I am going to ask my son not to tell her anything (about DGD) anymore unless there's actually something to worry about.  I'm also going to ask my MIL to not say anything to her unless, again, there is really something to worry about.  If she gets pissed that we don't tell her stuff, too bad!  I will tell her why!   My husband says that she drives him more crazy than his mother, and that says something! 

So, I'm kind of just venting, but do you guys have any ideas about controlling an excessive worrier in the family??

Thanks! 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-03-2013 - 10:15am

I don't know if you can really change a person who is an excessive worrier.  You just understand that's how they are & don't let it get to you.  My father was like that.  When I was in my 40's every time I drove home from their house (an hour away) I would have to call when I got home to tell him I got home safely and it was not even late at night.  My mother is not like that at all.  He'd start getting nervous when it got dark out that I should go home.  I remember my brother saying "Dad, that's why cars have headlights, so you can drive after dark."  If he & my mom were going on a trip, he'd start telling me where their important papers were in case they died on the trip--always a cheery thought when you are going on vacation.  Since you can't change your SIL, all you can do is change your reaction--she's the one who's upset & worrying over nothing, but try not to let it get to you.  when she calls all the time about not being able to find the parents, just say either you know where they are or you don't know where they are but you will be sure to call her if something is wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Wed, 07-03-2013 - 11:15am

I guess we just have to put up with the MIL and FIL thing, because they are her parents.  But, I don't think we need to tolerate her excessive worrying when it comes to our granddaughter.  She's bordering on something that's none of her business really.  Our granddaughter is the first great grandchild, so she is pretty special, but, it is her parents and maybe the grandparents job to worry about her, the great aunt being worried is out of line.  I've been a great aunt 10 times on my side of the family and I never butted my nose into my niece or nephews business.  Asking once if she was O.K. was fine, and also if there were really something wrong she would find out about it.  My MIL also has a very big mouth, I have posted on ivillage about her before.  So, I think I will just warn my son not to tell her things, he knows she is like that.  My husband just had surgery and everyone and their brother knew about it, including many people that is was NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!  I get annoyed with her, we live in a small town. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 07-04-2013 - 12:08am

Why not tell your MIL and FIL to check in with "crazy" every day, then she'll know they're alive, and you won't be involved.  Or tell her to get in her car and go there to make sure they're alive. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 07-04-2013 - 2:45pm

Ha ha, good idea!  Next time she calls I'll tell her to go there and check.  But, she has actually gone there and found them not home and panicked too and called us.  I think I'll tell her what I said before and that is that the odds of something happening to both of them are slim (unless they're in a car accident or their house burns down, like I said, we would see the smoke from here!)  the other one would be able to call 911 or call us.  But I suppose there's always carbon monoxide poisoning!  No I know that won't happen they always replace their batteries on all their detectors.  She is crazy, that's for sure.  Funny thing is, she was completely the opposite with her children.  She never watched them when they were little, drove me nuts!!!  But, that's another really long story! 

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 7:25pm

You poor thing, what a pain!  

Can she work something out with them (I got a little confused, is it her parents?) so they have a system in place so she knows when she should be concerned?

My xH's family was kind of like that.  Not quite as bad as you are describing, but similar in nature.  If my MIL couldn't get a hold of myself of my DH, she would call my parents.  My mom thought it was the oddest thing ever.  I can go a few weeks, even a month without talking to my mom or grown kids.  Just how our family is. 

I don't know, is she a women of faith?  If she is, then she should know that God is in charge, not her.  :)

Without notifications on iVillage working, I don't know if I'll get back to this thread.  I surf around and impossible to remember what I read and where I posted.  Good luck!

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