sister-in-law attracted to husband
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sister-in-law attracted to husband
|Thu, 01-01-2009 - 5:17am|
I don't know how to handle my SIL's behavior without getting really mad. I can't figure out if she is my stalker or my husband's stalker, and I need advice about how to not let her get to me so much. I will give a brief back history. She went on 2 dates with my husband before marrying his brother, and her personality is very spoiled, flirty, and selfish. None of this bothers me much since I only see her a couple of times a year and my husband was never attracted to her. I have known her since high school and we have been sister-in-laws for the past 16 years. She only started to bother me the past 4 or 5 years, because she would say things about liking things better about my husband than her husband, she has even said this about sex! She also insults me and asks me why my husband likes me better than her or she will say that the only reason he likes me more is because I am a Molly home-maker. She goes out of her way to get me alone and insult me like that. I thought she was just obsessed with my husband, but she also acted jealous that my sister moved close to me and even said that she should move close to her in her state even though they had never met. Whenever I tell her how I want to decorate my house or what furniture I want to buy or how I want my hair cut, she will go out and do it. She does a lot of other mean things like when my Mom was dieing she insisted on driving me out of state to see her just to manipulate her husband into letting her buy a van and then tells me I can't go, and I didn't even want her there, but I still found it rude that she would use me and my Mom's death like that to manipulate her husband into letting her buy a van. I am always nice to her even when I am furious with her behavior and insults. I never get even, because I want to be a good person no matter what circumstance I am put in. I don't want to let other people choose who I become and I want to like who I am at the end of the day. If I got even I would feel like I was like her, and I wouldn't like myself. I at first jokingly rejected her comments and changed the subject, then I tried asking her how she would feel if I said that about her and her husband, then about a year ago I decided to have a talk with her about it, telling her how I felt, and asked her to stop, and then I avoided her and stayed busy in the kitchen. I thought that had fixed the problem because I didn't get any bad insults during the last 2 visits. We decided to ask her to come to our house with her 2 boys (my kids adore her kids) because her husband is in the Navy and would be gone for 6 months and we didn't want them to be alone during the holidays. At first I thought we would have another uneventful visit, but then she asked my husband if she could hug him for a while since she missed her husband. My husband got out of that one. Later she told me that she was jealous of a girl my husband dated in 10th grade, but the thing that really made me mad was what she did when we took the kids to the mall. She grabbed my husband by the arm so that they were walking arm in arm and said something like "oops, wrong husband," but she wouldn't let go. My husband looked horrified and didn't know what to do so he ran towards me to grab me by the arm as if that would fix it, since he knows what she has been saying about him. I was very unhappy that she was still hanging onto my husband, and told him I didn't like men who were attached as a way of hinting to him to get unattached. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights and tried to turn to me for help again. Then I asked if anyone needed to go to the bathroom. He took that as his way out and ran for the bathroom. She hung on all the way to the bathroom. We both thought she was going to follow him in there. Then she sat and pouted and cried on a bench for attention, pouted and stayed in bed for the next day, and then later said she was dizzy and made a big drama about being scared of heights while she collapsed at the top of our stairs. I am sure this was another attempt at getting his attention. I actually found that kind of funny, especially when my son rolled his eyes in disbelief at his 35-year-old aunt's drama. My husband and I have a good plan for both of us to be more direct with her behavior in the future, but I am having trouble getting over how disrespected I feel. She only tried to get his attention when she knew I would be watching, like she wanted to hurt me. In fact, I know she has been going out of her way to hurt me every time. On top of that it was hard to get her to leave. She really wanted to stay another week, but there is just no way I wanted to be around her that long. I think I hate her, and I don't want to hate anyone or to be angry. I had to talk to 2 of my sisters for hours in order to stay calm. She isn't a threat to me. We have a good plan to deal with her. My husband would never fall for her manipulation, but it still gets to me that she would treat me so bad when I have been so nice and thoughtful to her. I am still so angry about it. How do I not let her get to me? I know she is never going to change. I am going to have to learn to cope with her, but I haven't figured out how. The worst thing is that she talks about moving closer to us. Yuck! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.