Sister in Law Torments Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2007
Sister in Law Torments Me
15
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 9:59am

My husband's brother has a wife who has been tormenting me since we met. The situation got worse once we got married and it exploded after I gave birth to my daughter. I'll give just a handful of examples:

1. Used a key to snoop through my belongings...Said that she needed to see what size I wore. "(Your Husband) likes thin girls. I saw you and got confused. When I saw you wore a size 8 I thought, 'He must like big girls now'."

2. Angry that I gave away baby heart monitor (she was pregnant). I said that it didn't work. She replied, "It would work on me. I don't have all that fat between me and the baby."

3. Says I bring shame to my husband because I talk about work.

4. Suggested that I take naps instead of eating all afternoon.

5. "You may keep a clean house but at least I didn't let myself go."

6. "The family doesn't approve of your lifestyle."

7.She is signing me up for plus size catalogs. I get about 3 each week.

These things (Except #1) I can deal with but now she has moved her focus to my 2-year-old (who was just diagnosed with PDD)
She called everyone in the family making rude remarks about my child, referring to children with special needs as "speds". I've had it.

Now my husband and I don't want to take our child to any family functions that this person will attend. Any advice?

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Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:30am

If it were me, it would be one thing that she disparaged me. I am an adult and I can deal with the nasty biotch. But, as the mom of a child with Autism, if someone disparaged my disabled child, I would absolutely cut her off, no questions asked.

If the rest of the family wanted to still have anything to do with such a despicable person, that would be their business, but we would not be around them when they did. The rest of the family needs to cut her off too, IMO, or tell her to knock it off, but that would have to be their decision, I suppose.

Cut her off. Let everyone who has anything to do with her that you are cutting her off. What does her husband think of her saying such cruel things about his brother's child? His niece/nephew?

If she continues to contact you, consider a restraining order, or order to cease and desist. You have the right to live without harassment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:31am
Wow, I am so sorry for the way you have been treated~
no one deserves those actions or comments! I got some
really good advice from this board that has worked
for me time and time again ~ it was to take myself
out of the situation. I have done just that with
my MIL, and it is the best advice I have ever gotten
in dealing with her, it works like a charm, because,
I am not available for her to do hurtful things, or say
hurtful things to me! It has been very good for
my marriage too, because, I am not complaining to
DH about his Mother, and I do not hold him responsible
for not speaking up for me. I just don't think a lot
about it anymore, it is just a non issue,
because I've removed myself! I hope everything works out
well for you, whatever you decide to do! I know ignoring
the problem doesn't always help solve it, but I have
really benefited from not being around her, I think it
goes back to the toxic personality thing, they sap
energy, and create frustration, and the less I am around
her the BETTER!! LOL Best Wishes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 11:12am
Have you ever confronted her when she says this stuff? I'd talk with her and maybe start sending her books on etiquette if that doesn't work. If she's sending you plus catelogs, she needs the self-help books. You can print off some of the answers to your question and post them on your fridge so the next time over she has some reading material :) She sounds like a very immature, emotionally unevolved person. I feel for you, but the best way to deal may be direct confrontation and then just don't be around her as much as possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 12:52pm
I think I could just ignore all the stuff except the things being said about your child. Both you and your husband together need to confront her on that and make sure she understands her behavior will not be tolerated. Then, keep your distance from her as much as possible. If her husband and other family members want to defend her behavior, I would distance them too. Your main focus should be protecting your marriage and your child. Also, if she still has a key, change your locks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 2:14pm
Have a heart to heart talk with bil and his wife with your dh,and let them know how hurt you are with her words and that this isnt right for her to say those things as what happens in your home/family isnt any of her concern and that she needs to back off.How would she like it if someone judged her on things and made nasty remarks?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 2:47pm
Hi,I was posting here and I just moved and didn't have the
internet for a while. To your post...Since when is a size
8 a plus size and what is your sil a skeleton with skin on
it (joking aside what size is she really???) I would just
really avoid talking to her. As I learned with my sil don't
tell her ANYTHING she can twist up and use against you!!! I
learned that not talking to her at all is the best becouse
if
there is any conversation at all no matter what its about
gives a window for twisting up anthing you said. Does the
family not really approve of your life style or is it the
sil that doesn't approve of it??? What kind of lifestyle
do you have??? Have you talked these things over with your
husband? I would just not talk to her at all costs and the
next time she tried to stab you with a mean comment I'd just
interupt her and say I really don't have time for your stupid,
childish comments and if you must talk about me click your
heals 3 times and say I wish I had a life!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 3:43pm

I'm on the same page, mom2danjam.

I was laughing her comments off and my husband and I even started joking about what she would say next but when it comes to my child, I just won't stand for it...I think that I will continue to leave my child out of her presence. I don't think that my little girl needs to be subjected to this nasty woman's prejudices. She can talk to the wall about how "weird" and "abnormal" my 2-year-old is.

I'm done with her.

BTW...My brother in law has no idea about what has been going on. She sent a letter saying, "I forget that you are just a new mom. You don't want to hear anything that isn't a compliment...Let's leave this between us."

I'm dying to tell my BIL, but I'll leave that decision up to my husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 3:47pm

Oh, yes...I've said things like, "Do you know that you are saying this out loud?" and "How would you respond if I said something like that to you?"

I love the idea of sending etiquette and self-help information.

I don't think that she will be in my home ever again. I don't want to subject my child to someone who is so harmful.

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 3:54pm

You need to let BIL know that his wife is tormenting you and making fun of his disabled niece.

I swear I would divorce my husband if he made fun of my one niece, who is disabled too. I really would. I will not tolerate bullies and people who make fun of the disabled. Personally, the rest of the family needs to tell her to grow up, get a life and cut her off if she cannot behave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 3:55pm
i agree, she wouldn't be invited back to my home!

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