Son-in-law overbearing with stepson
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|Wed, 06-25-2014 - 12:02pm|
New to this board and would appreciate any feedback. Not sure if I'm posting in the right area. My DD married 3 years ago when her son (my grandson) was 4. He's 8 now, does really well in school, but has been "labeled" ADHD. They resorted to medication this school year, only for school days and school hours. This has helped tremendously. However, my SIL is very overbearing with him, quite harsh, has too high of expectations and yells at him a lot. Discipline handed down is often not age appropriate. He seems to have no patience with him whatsoever. He micro-manages his every move in life around the house. If he sends him outside, he MUST be active....he can't just take a book outside instead. If he leaves his shoes by the table after school, my SIL throws them in the backyard, then reprimands him later about leaving his shoes out and not putting them away immediately. Gosh, wouldn't it be easier to just ask him or tell him to put his shoes away? What 8 yr old is going to do this robotic behavior each day? He's not. He's 8! If my grandson walks away when SIL is reprimanding him, out of impulsivity, he is yelled at like a dog - loudly and harshly. If my DD is telling him to do something and he fidgets or procrastinates in the least, my SIL is jumping in to yell and demand that the request is done NOW. He's a bully to my grandson. I don't know how else to put it. He's constantly saying, "Focus!". if he wrestles with him, and my grandson has had enough, he will scream. Then, my SIL reprimands him for screaming! I've watched my grandson say hi to him when he comes home and twice SIL completely ignored that and instead barked out some order or question. One day it was, "Why is the scotch tape outside?" Really? How about, Hey buddy, if you left the tape out can you please go put it back? Thanks." He doesn't ask in a nice tone. It's harsh, loud. He has a very deep loud voice to begin with, so add harshness to that and you have a bully. He resents my grandson and it shows. My DD gave the disciplining power away years ago and now it's just way out of hand. She also just had her second child so she's a new mom and tired. I've delicately mentioned just a few things to her out of worry, and she acknowledges that she sees some of it and that some of it does bother her. But, she picks her battles, because he (SIL) is so difficult. He's moody and never seems happy. I've asked her about that only when she has mentioned it. The first things mentioned when I ask why he is moody is related to my grandson. So, you can see this is a source of frustration, anger and worry for me. I don't know what to do and I fear my grandson is being emotionally abused. Any thoughts or suggestions would be great. It's so hard being on the outside looking in. Thank you for reading!