Things are better

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Things are better
11
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:42am
Ok so mother in law had called me last night, finally. She said she was busy doing something to help a friend that's why we hadn't heard from her lately and she had just checked her emails last night. So everything is fine, I guess maybe I analyze things too much maybe just because she's the in-law, I don't know. Sometimes I think I need to stop looking so deeply into things and just let go and have things flow. However, I still don't like the part that she thinks I'm too tough on my boys, everybody's parenting style is different and we all do what we feel comfortable doing and what we think is best for the kids. I just kinda take things one day at a time with the kids and do what feels right, so I don't know, I guess if it's just not the way she sees things should be done than tough crackers. I think she realizes that, so maybe that is why she had said something to hubby about it and not me. Because things had happened in the past after my first son was born that I had to kinda tell her to back off. Like, when he was 3 months old she went ahead without asking hubby or I what we thought and made a website with pictures of him and his name on it and everything. I was furious, didn't want a website displaying his information like that, what if some crazy nut was to track us down and hurt him? There was also a few other things she had just gone ahead and did that I didn't like and I never held back, would always tell her how I felt about it, so I think that's why she goes to hubby now and not me about things like that. Which I don't think is right either because I'm still their parent also. What do u guys think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 12:23pm
I am right there with you on the whole, my inlaws think I am too hard on my kids thing. My SIL's are such good moms. Yeah, well that's why their kids are bratty and mean to other kids. I also have your back on the web site thing. You were right to be furious. I know some police officers and they say to never put your children on the net. Look at all the crazy baby-nappers out there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 1:37pm
This is just my opinion so please take it with a grain of salt, but I think that you are too harsh to this poor woman. I can totally see my MIL or my mother putting up pictures of their grandchildren without realizing the consequences. How could they know about ALL the bad things that could happen because of it? They are of a different generation and they dont keep up with all the crap that happens with the Internet. Of course you should take it down.. but I hope you did it gently instead of biting her head off. Tone of voice goes such a long way in maintaining solid relationships.
To me it seems that your MIL is trying really hard to keep you happy and have a relationship with the child, and she is afraid of stepping on your toes a bit. All grandparents think that parents are too harsh..they are notorious for spoiling children. And that is why they should be dealt with some humor.. a sense of humor goes such a long way in life.. it just makes people happier and softer/more compassionate human beings, that's all.
So maybe you could just be more forgiving of her instead of disliking her so much? She just seems like a bungling soul who is trying real hard to keep you happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 6:41pm
No I think what you're saying here is absolutely ridiculous. My mom is in the same "generation" as my mother in law and would never post things of my kids online, make a website with their information on it, that's a little overboard. I had talked to my mom about this before it happened and she could not believe she would do something so stupid as this. Even she was furious about it herself. Everyone knows the internet is not secure and safe, and if the hospital makes you sign a release form if you want your child on their website of birth pictures, I don't see why we couldn't be told about it first before she went ahead and did it. To me, that was disrespectful.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 6:52pm
How could the MIL not know the dangers? It plasted all over the news all the time. How many stories have the done about how the internet is dangerous? Thousands. Unless the MIL doesn't watch the news, there is no way she couldn't know. Yes she is of a different generation, but that is not an excuse to post pictures of a child online without the parents consent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 8:00pm
Look, I'm just saying that it was an honest mistake on her part. It's not as if she did it maliciously to get the child in trouble.
I am usually not so harsh on people who make honest mistakes out of ignorance. Some of you are, obviously.



Edited 3/1/2007 8:24 pm ET by ingie2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 8:06pm

I was just saying that she did it out of ignorance, and honest mistakes deserve some forgiveness. Well, those are my values at least and since you asked "what do you think" I said what I think. I cant go through life bitter and angry at everyone.

Do you believe that she did it to somehow be vicious to you? Or have your child kidnapped or some sort of malicious reason like that? You dont.. right? You know that she was just being stupid and ignorant. Why all this anger against someone who just doesnt know better? Are you usually this angry against people who are silly or stupid? There are reactions and there are reactions. All actions really dont warrant a reaction.

I am not an angry person. I hardly ever get angry and hold grudges against people like this. Therefore I was just telling you my perspective.
Feel free to discard as "ridiculous"...
:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:43pm
Yes thankyou for your opinion, I do appreciate hearing your thoughts. However I will continue to regard it as ridiculous. No I do not have reactions to the everyday idiot, but when it has something to do that involves my kids that could possibly cause harm to them, whether on purpose or flat out stupidity, I don't care, you can bet your butt that their mother will react. It's a natural instinct for any mother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:44pm
Thankyou, I agree with this 100%.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:54pm
Yes when my first son was born she used to pick him up cheap crappy diapers she would find on clearance, and I had said to her that I appreciated that she went and got him diapers but I told her I was particular about the brand because he was prone to baby rash. Well yeah I was evil for that one. Yet now that sis in law has a 5 month old and she is picky about diapers and other things, oh the world must stop for her. Why did she see me as being crazy but it's fine for her daughter to be specific on things?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 3:30pm
Easy, your MIL wanted to find fault with you. I was the same way, my kids when they were babys had to wear Pampers or they would get terrible diaper rash. My inlaws thought I was being too picky. Grrr, I feel ya on that one.

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