Trouble with my Son_in-law

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Trouble with my Son_in-law
8
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 1:46am
Y'all know the in-law problems I have, I'm here a "the evil MIL". Oldest dd's car broke down again (I spent 5 months hauling SIL to work while the tranny was out in their jeep, because we worked close to each other. He had to be to work at 4 am & I started work at 7:30, I lost a lot of sleep during that time, but I did it to help my kids out). Now my dh works closer to where sil works (sil starts work at 6 am & dh at 7:30) a couple of weeks I started work closer to sil's time, so I took him to work. On the way, sil spent the entire 45 minute drive complaining to me about my dd. He called her all kinds of names, how she is a awful wife & mom. It was all I could do to keep from opening the car door & shoving him out. When I got home that night, I told my dh what happened & I didn't want he or I giving him rides any more. I haven't said anything to dd about what sil said to me. I've had to see him twice since this happened, I was polite, but I just don't want to be around him any more. I told dh to tell him to watch his mouth around me & that I was up set with him for what he said.

Not sure what I should do. Any suggestions?
~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 3:15am

Seems like quite the guy to be complaining to his wife's mother about her daughter!  LOL!  I would tell my SIL straight-out that I don't appreciate the things he was saying and that's why I wasn't giving him rides any more! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 10:23am

Yeah - I have to agree with Sadie.  He sounds like a real piece of work.  Just wondering - are they making an effort to get some other type of transportation? Do they only have that one vehicle or is there another one that your daughter drives?  If so, why isn't she getting up at those early hours to drive him to work?

 

I would definitely let him know that no matter what he has to say about his wife - she is still your daughter and that you will not tolerate it.  Most people respect that boundary. 

It sounds like you should recommend they get into marriage counseling.  Out of curisoity, does your daughter complain about him?

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 11:11am

This isn't the 1st time he's done this. No I haven't told dd. She would get upset & either start WWIII with him & move in with  us {and we don't have room for her & MIss Lu} or she would get physical & kill him. That's why I haven't told her. My dh told me to just ignore him, he young {33} & doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut & just forget about it. He has told me, that my dd is a lesibian {really? wow why did you marry her then?} if he's opening his mouth like this to xh, no wonder xh doesn't like sil. They have 2 jeeps, both are broken down. SIL is a good kid, he has worked for UPS for 9 yrs, {he works in the supply warehouse, so not union job, but paided well} he works his butt off. He just can't seem to manage their money very well {dd is a much better money manager}  SIL is the youngest of 8 or 9 kids, his folks are both gone {xh,dh & I are the only grandparents} he gets ticked off at dd & wants a divorce & wants custody of Miss Lu & wants to go back to Montana where he's from {WA state won't allow either of them to leave state with her, I know this~sil doesn't :smileytongue:}

He's mad that dd isn't work 40+ hours, that we are trying to start a Brownie/Jr girl scout troop at Miss Lu school {got the same crap from xh too by the way} that dd doesn't do things the way HE demands. Yes I did want to pop him in the head with my cast iron skittet. Would of that been so wrong? LOL yea I know it would of.

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 11:14am

We have offered to help pay for the repairs, but sil wants to do the work himself {with our tools by the way,his got stolen out of jeep}a cording to sil, by this Thursday he should have it repaired {he's been telling us that for almost a month now}

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 5:54pm

Bus, I'm sorry but I'm completely confused.

Why in the world would you listen to someone trash talk your dd if you didn't want to??????

Honestly, why can't you simply say, "Listen, I know you are frustrated, but I'm not the person to talk to about this.  Maybe you guys need some martial counseling or something.  But please stop talking THIS MINUTE because I don't want to hear it.'?

And, yeah, drop him off on the side of the road if he doesn't learn to control his tongue (or if you aren't willing to do this, simply don't show up the next time he's expecting a ride from you).

This just seems like an easy thing to control to me.  Give him one clearn warning, and then just stop driving him anywhere if he can't learn to shut up around you.

 

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 11:22am

If this is the only time you have seen such behavior out of him, it might have just been a horrible horrible day and he felt he could trust you by telling you all this.

 

But...do you see other signs of abuse? If so, you might want to quietly approach her and ask her if she needs help, and maybe give her a pamphlet on abusive relationships.

 

Another thing to remember is, divorce does not always fix abusive relationships, especially when children are involved. And if the son in law finds out that you said much, things could get worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 2:05pm
I told dd what he said to me (it took me OVER 3 weeks before I told her) my dh told him "dude, keep your mouth shut to your MIL, dude not cool to bad mouth/trash the dd to her mom" so now he's ticked off at me. DUD

This isn't the 1st time & I'm sure it won't be the last. I told my dh that I don't want to help him anymore. I just don't want to be around him right now. We aren't thank when we help them. I think he just expects we will help him out. {And the only reason I do is because of dd & odgd}
~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.