Unhappy Helliday
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| Wed, 12-13-2006 - 5:11pm |
Help! Need advice.
Background:
My IL’s called at the end of October and said they were coming for Thanksgiving, so we put in for time off at our jobs and prepared for their visit.
The Tuesday before Thanksgiving, FIL calls and said that his boss changed his mind about his time off and said that he needed him to work, he was sorry but there was no way around it. So he calls me at work and cancels the holiday.
With no notice, my husband and I were unable to cancel our time off, so we were at home for 4 days with no guests and a bunch of food that we bought with anticipation of their visit. This hurt us deeply as FIL has a habit of doing disrespectful tings like this often.
Problem:
FIL calls me at work last night and tells me that his boss told him that he could have off the Wednesday of Christmas week (27th) through the 31st of December. He said that they decided that they were coming up, so clean the house and be prepared.
I tried to explain to him that because we asked off during Thanksgiving, that there is no way that we can be off during Christmas. Especially with a week and a half notice, that our bosses demanded any time off request during the holidays long ago, and now people were scheduled off. I also told him that it was not a good time because I have to work third shifts all Christmas week (midnight to 8 am) and since that is not my usual shift, I really do not want to deal with guests.
There have also been some issues with my husbands work, and he has been off the last 2 weeks, which has put us in a real money crunch, and we cannot afford what it will cost in extra food to entertain them for 4 long days, we are having trouble just keeping the lights on.
He acted like he didn’t hear what I had explained to him and told me that it would be okay, they could figure out how to entertain themselves and that when I came in the mornings, I could just go to bed and they would see me whenever time permits. This is a digging subject for me because we live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment (you can see the back wall of the apartment from the front door) and when they come visit, we are expected to give up our bed for them because our spare bed is really uncomfortable.
Since my schedule at work changing to 3rds will be hard enough, the last thing I want is to be kicked out of my bed, as it is hard enough for me to sleep anyway. We have 1 bathroom, no washer/dryer hookups and really not enough places for everyone to sit if we are all in the living room at the same time.
His dad tells us things like, oh sandwiches are fine, we don’t care, but then throws a fit when that is all we have. He says they can entertain themselves, but about half way into day 2, he will be yelling how bored he is and will tell my husband to wake me up and for all of us to go somewhere. Again, we do not have any extra money and when they come up they like us to treat them to lunch out and want/expect help with gas expenses while running around the town.
I told him flat out that this is not a good time, and asked him to find a more suitable time to visit, like when we can get off to visit and when our money situation is a little better. He got angry and said that it was now, because he wouldn’t get any more time off until June. I told him again that now was not a good time for us and that we simply couldn’t afford to have them up and he said that he would bring a loaf of bread and a pack of lunchmeat, so there situation solved.
I went home and told my husband about the conversation, and he hit the ceiling. He told me to tell his dad the next time he called that he was not happy about being stood up at Thanksgiving, and he could just wait until June and that if he didn’t like it, too bad. I told him that he would have to relay a message like that to his own father, and that I had already told him no and that it didn’t faze him.
How would/have any of you deal/dealt with this? Any advice would be really good as I am drawing up my battle plan right now.

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Yes DH has a brother and he lives with his wife and daughter in the same town that FIL and MIL live in. What it comes back to is the issue with us deciding that we won’t let FIL influence our decision whether or not to have kids (we have told him that we aren’t contributing to the madness of the family) and so he views our troubles as less than important and has decided that if his son isn’t going to devote life to taking care of kids then he can devote it to taking care of them when they see a need for him to.
Another thing that is important about the job is that he has been laid off due to the fact that he was hospitalized in October and now his job is trying to make him take a forced leave of absence with out pay of course, so while he is fighting this, he cannot get another job or the company will see it as his leaving willingly and he cannot apply for unemployment because that would mean he is willing to take the leave. It is a double whammy because all he wants to do is work and help support his family and be able to pay his doctor bills and afford his medication, and if he wants legal ground to stand on if it has to be taken that far, he cannot do anything but sit and wait for the company to make a move.
This is why it is particularly trying for us to have company right now besides the fact that we are broke and living from my paycheck to paycheck.
I did tell him about the poor treatment that his father gave me regarding the want to take him home with them and he agreed with me and said that he has to stay here especially due to the up in the air status of his job and he thinks it is about time that his dad do something for his mom. His parents are sill bent on coming up here this coming week; however I think that I have come up with a solution.
I told DH last night that if they want to play the game then they better know who they are dealing with. I told him that we are not buying groceries before they come up – plain and simple. When they arrive on the doorstep, they can see what we mean, and if they want to stay that is fine, but they will have to buy groceries. If not, they will have to eat meals out. I told him that I will go to the store the day they leave but I am not stocking the house for them to have a good old time while up here, and then leave us to figure out how to make it to the 10th of January.
DH said that was a plan and is anxiously awaiting their arrival.
It sounds like you are doing all you can do in this situation.
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