Vacation with FIL-- need some advice
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| Mon, 01-22-2007 - 6:24pm |
Hi Everyone,
I'm brand new to the forum. I'm having difficulty dealing with my FIL. Here's the abreviated back story:
FIL and I dont see eye to eye. I find him arrogant, controlling, and he has no sense of boundaries. DH and I used to live in a house FIL owned (the IL lived elsewhere) and FIL would come over randomly sometimes without knocking. When I moved out of that house after my DH left for the marine corps FIL and I got in a fight about what I was responsible for cleaning. He reprimanded me for involving DH in the argument.
Since I live in the same town, every time DH comes home for liberty, FIL imposes on our plans when he is not invited. Last month, he even came out to the bars after the wedding reception when he was not invited (He was the only relative to come out not to mention the only person over the age of 28).
All of this has been leading up to a very sour relationship that he seems completely unaware of. I've attempted to talk to him when he has intruded on us, but he is like arguing with a child. He doesnt listen, he will not compromise, and he'll never accept that he could ever be wrong. I cant stand to spend more than a few minutes with him. And even when he isnt there, I cant stop agonizing over his previous and future intrusions.
So here's the big problem. I find myself admist plans for the 3 of us (FIL, DH, and I) to go to Africa while my DH has leave from the Marine corps. I'm stuck because I want so badly to see the country with DH while he has precious leave time, but cannot bare to spend 2 weeks with his father (who will not give us ANY time away from him for dinner sightseeing, you name it). If I dont go, I'll always regret not going, and will blame FIL for my unwillingness to go. If I go, I'm pretty sure I will be miserable and will ruin DH's time because I wont beable to let it go.
I've been begging DH to find a fourth person to take up some of FIL's time, but so far no luck.
I guess I just dont understand why newlyweds should be in this situation?!
Any advice, coping strategies, etc. would be much appreciated.
Thanks for listening.
-M

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Let me tell you what MIL tried to pull when we got married. My parents were married September 8th 1956~~dh's parents were married September 8th 1957, we decided to get married September 8th 2001. My parents & FIL are all gone, so it was to include them in our wedding, well she states off with I understand why you picked that date, but that not a good enough reason~~I want to go a month long vacation to Austratia, so you either need to move it up a month or back a month. Well moving it up month won't work for either BIL or my sister who were standing up for us. And we all know what happen 3 days later, had we changed our wedding, she would of been scheduled to come back on the 13th and she would of been stuck in Austratia for a extra week. Dh told her to go ahead and to Austratia, we would have lots of pictures & videos for her to look at.
So yes she needs to be feed to the crocks,and one top of that. Dh just told me that MIL had been making BIL house payments for the last 4 years, but when we needed to borrow $500 for her she acted like she couldn't afford it. For crying out loud, treat us equally.
Sam
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