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| Mon, 12-04-2006 - 5:34pm |
My sil just had a darling baby girl and I'm happy to get pictures of her by e-mail but now my sil wants us to get a webcam. We live across the country from my in-laws and it's a good thing, if you know what I mean. I have never wanted a webcam even before i was married so it's not personal against my in-laws. I'm a private person in some ways although I'm an extrovert when I'm with people, so I think they're taking it personally. My biggest problem is that my fil and mil are getting a webcam too and everyone now knows that we're not because of me. They can't believe I don't want one and I'm afraid they're going to continually try to pressure me into it or cut me off in stony silence if I don't which my sil is really good at doing.
My fil and bil (the one married to my sil) are abusive to me and my sil and I hate dealing with it. It hurts and enrages me whether they do it to me or if I have to witness them doing it to her. These are additional reasons I don't want a webcam that are personal in regards to my in-laws.
I'd appreciate input from y'all.
cbc

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I still have to say that you should not have anything to do with FIL. Or any of them if they cannot be nice.
So what if you can't bake and be Miss Suzy Cookie Cutter? Your husband cannot cook? If he can read, he can bake.
I would confront FIL and tell him things that cannot be posted here. Really. He needs to be taken down a peg or two.
Thanks for that. It's true. The man is very mean. I've never heard my own parents call anyone mean before but after they heard stuff he says and the looks he gives me they call him mean. It actually took me a long time to realize (years) that he was being abusive towards me. I am a classic abuse victim from childhood and I bought into his crazy making excuses at first. He would say that sometimes he says the wrong thing or that he was just joking. I had no idea at the time that that was a classic abuser tactic. I'm not flying back there anymore and staying in their house for 10 days at a time like we used to every Christmas. My husband is o.k. with that and plans on visiting them by himself in the spring. That's how it's gonna be from now on.
cbc
I know. It makes me really mad. I've fought with my hubby about this alot. I've walked out during one of our fights. My husband is totally supportive of me in every way except about this. He really thinks I'm taking his dad the wrong way. He KNOWS his dad would never try to hurt me and his dad has said that in front of my husband too. Everyone in that family will change reality to make my FIL right!
Well, it's my choice to stay with my husband. What he chooses to do is up to him. Given the situation this is the best we can come up with.
cbc
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange
Can't,
Don't buy a webcam. Period. You don't owe anyone any explanations and you shouldn't be pressured into having one when it's not for you. No one can "make" you do anything. So stand your ground, say you're aren't getting a webcam, don't, and let it go. If they keep harping on this issue, restate your position and again, don't discuss it with them.
If you get a webcam it will just become progressively worse, i.e. they'll expect you to use and it and it will become another weapon they can use against you in the psychological wars. So, don't get one. Period.
This is exactly what I think too, Wisdom. I appreciate the support and viewpoints I'm getting here because I can be a pushover. I have to learn to stand up to loved ones (and I do love my SIL). I'm learning how to stand up to people and letting the cards fall where they may. So far, I've lost a lot of people in my life but looking back I realize they aren't in a psychologically healthy place and sooner or later that will affect me too.
My SIL e-mailed my hubby and completely disregarding that he had already told her that I didn't want one, she wrote "Should we buy you one for Christmas or are you going to get your own?" Luckily, and happily, he forwarded it to me and even directed me to open it. I wrote her back saying that I don't want one but I'll be happy to look at her and her daughter on the monitor. Haven't heard back. I'm pretty sure she's pissed.
cbc
O.k. I heard back from her and she seems to be accepting my choice. Yea! This was a big guilt producer for me but I'm taking care of myself and my needs and with your support, you all made that easier for me. Thank you :)
cbc
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