wedding video

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
wedding video
8
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 12:37pm
My husband and I are not talking to his mom and one of his sisters. They’ve done (and said) some things to my DH and I that have led us to feel it's better to stay away from them for a while. Our problem is that his family video taped our wedding last June. They still have the tape, which we have yet to see. We'd really like to see the video and make a copy of it, but we're kind of afraid to ask for it.

His parents and my parents live about 10 minutes from each other. Should we ask my parents to go to his parents' house to get the video? We really don’t want to go to his parents' house because his mom and sister will probably be there. We still talk to his dad. We thought about calling him and asking about the video, but he probably doesn't know where the video is. He'll just hand the phone off to my MIL, which is something we want to avoid. What should we do? Should we just forget about the video?

Avatar for twinmommy4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 12:43pm
why are you so afraid to talk to mil & sil?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 3:25pm
You know, I'm really not sure. MIL and SIL are the ones that did stuff to us. Why should we be afraid to run into them at their house, or talk to them on the phone?
Avatar for twinmommy4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 3:32pm
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let them get to you. I don't see anything wrong with both of you showing up at their house (for support to each other)and asking for the tape. What are they going to say, no?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 9:20pm
I guess you could always try the calm, adult approach. First, they are the ones that are being inconsiderate by holding on to the tape from last June! Second, if you feel you have done nothing to be ashamed of then don't let them make you feel you have to hide. Go together and make a short, pointed visit for the tape. Don't let them drag you into anything or get you sidelined (my MIL loves to bring in something obscure from left field to keep you off your guard and in the conflict long). So if you remain focused and calm, hopefully the situation will end the way you want. Say thank you and leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 8:19am
I think DH should call for the video. I mean it is of your wedding. Why would they want to keep it, except out of spite? I would have DH ask for the video. It is one of those special events that you can watch over and over again. I think it is important enough to ask. As far as MIL goes, try not to let her intimidate you. It is YOUR video.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 2:25pm
What are you *really* afraid of? Making the first conciliatory move? Looking as if you want them back in your life again?? Are you afraid of losing face??

If you want your tape, have your DH call his mother and arrange to go pick it up. Unless you're worried that she'll meet you at the door with a shotgun, you have nothing to fear.

And who knows - maybe once you're all in the same room together, common-sense, patience and affection might prevail and you all might make up?? Wouldn't you prefer harmony in your family to fear?

Whatever you do, don't send your parents! You will look terribly cowardly -- and this isn't the kind of thing they should get involved in. It's between you, your husband and your ILs.

Glamour Girl

glammie . . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 3:10pm
Nope, I don't plan to send my parents to get the video. We're not afraid to look as though we want them back in our lives. This isn't about pride. They've done and said some very hurtful things to both of us. We're not afraid of them, we're just not comfortable talking to them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 3:45pm
Then have your DH speak to you FIL, as a neutral third party and arrange to pick up your tape. If MIL won't hand it over, let it go. And next time, hire a professional. *poking you*

Sorry that your marriage is off to such an unpleasant start. I hope the two families eventually resolve things.

Glamour Girl.

glammie . . . .