What role should in-laws play?
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| Wed, 10-11-2006 - 1:41pm |
I think we hear a lot about in-laws (for some reason mostly mother-in-laws) who are mean, intrusive, and crazy. In short toxic. But I don't think we ever hear of good in-law relationships.
So if you could choose your own in-laws, what kind of in-laws would they be? Meaning what role would they play in your life (of course putting aside any bitterness you have about in-laws now). I don't really have a close relationship with my parents and my DH doesn't either so I was just wondering about what you guys think the ideal relationship would be.
I think its common to see once people get married they put more energy into their spouse and kids. So where does that leave the in-laws, and how do you assure them so that they don't feel like they're being pushed out?

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I would say someone like myself: I have had 2 MIL from Heck, but I watched how my mom treated my xh (she passed away 10 years ago, my dad 20~~I've only been remarried since '01, so dh has never had nor will he have a IL's, except my sister who isn't part of our lives)
My mom would not take sides in a fights, if we started fighting at my parents house, mom would ask us to leave, only helped us out financially if we asked for it, never made judgements to us~~about a year after my mom had passed away I learned from my parents best friends just how much my parent HATED my xh, and yes I really enjoyed telling him what I had learned, and boy did it feel great.
So I don't take sides, only give them small amounts of cash if needed, I don't interfer in their lives, I don't call them except when I need to know what time I need to pick up the gd after I get off work to watch her while dd/sil are at work. I let them live their lifes their way and it works great.
Sam
"I don't call them except when I need to know what time I need to pick up the gd after I get off work to watch her while dd/sil are at work. I let them live their lifes their way and it works great"
Is that really all you call them for? I mean do you ever call like once a week just to say hi and see what they're up to?
Most people I've heard say that calling once or twice a week is a good number of times to call.
No I don't call, I usually see either my dd/sil every work day when I pick up the gd. If they want to talk with me, (we all live in the very same town) they now how to get in touch with me. It's how my mom was, and it worked very nicely when we lived 250 miles apart....I see nothing wrong with it. I don't want to be up in their business, which is how I'm sure it would look if I called them every day just to chat. Besides while I'm at work (7 am to 5 pm) driving a school bus, they are at home asleep (they both work swing/grave)
Sam
I think IL's should show interest in their dil/sil's. I mean my family gives birthday cards to my DH. My Father helps my DH with home improvement things, but only if asked for the help. He never wants to step on the feelings of my DH when it comes to family things. I think that's respectful. My MIL wants to run the show. She invites us over her house, doesn't help a bit to childproof it for my toddler, and gets angry at me for moving dangerous items out of my DD's way. (An example, box fans sitting on the floor in every room for my DD to stick her fingers in).
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