What would Dr. Phil have said?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
What would Dr. Phil have said?
25
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 12:49pm

Saturday, my DH's Aunt and Uncle were in town visiting of course (MIL/FIL and family).

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 8:41pm

Summer,

Have you done much reading regarding "black and white" thinking in dysfunctional family systems?

It's interesting.

Many dysfunctional famlies have this sort of thinking to at least some extent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 9:11pm

Dr. Phil would have said congratulations for being a hostess with the mostess.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 9:24am

Bumblingalong,

I do think that our situations are very similar.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 9:27am

Thanks Imotherothers!

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 02-28-2012 - 1:29pm

I should have added this sooner - but I need to share what happened after my dinner - that next day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011
Sun, 03-04-2012 - 4:08pm

Hi, I've just read all the posts re: MIL favoritism towards children. This area is my specialty given that I have a MIL the same and I am married to the son who never gets any attention. Actually borders on neglect .. Something I have lived with for a very long time.

Some women are incapable of giving. My MIL grew up in a country where there were maids and lots of help and one becomes spoiled. Its incredible to think that this woman can actually give to her own daughter, because she so used to leading her own life and doesn't have the empathy that comes with being a parent.

There was another post on the family and friends site called "Why'. Its about confrontation and whether its worthwhile. Some people think that confronting the issue will make a difference, but it seems the consensus is to leave it alone and let people work it out for themselves. I pay my MIL back by having little to do with her at all. Hardly inviting her over, never telling her anything important, when she does come over, making her sit with the kids so she can at least look at them. It doesn't work, she doesn't talk to them much and could not care one bit what they are doing.

I think in life what comes around goes around. If you show love and care you get it back, if

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 12:13pm

She lives up the road from us and we haven't seen her in weeks, which is just the way I like it.

Amen :smileytongue:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 11:18pm

Hi S-girl,

You seem so level headed and focused on your family, that I have a few things to learn from you.

Our Situation is very similar... In-laws who treat their children differently. The part I really hate is when MIL talks about SIL children non stop... she is filling in the quiet space by raving about them in front of me and my kids. None of us want to be rude, because we don't do that here, so we have to listen to it. Luckily, my kids are all bright and charming and never interject and talk about themselves, they just know in the minds that they are smarter and perhaps more privileged than the other children, due to a better school that they attend. THey are kind of smug about it. My kids are also the oldest grandchildren, so they are a bit past listening to it nowadays.

I still get upset over the fact that MIL NEVER invites us for any meal. My kids basically have never had a meal at her place, not a take away meal, or anything that she has cooked for them. Its very disappointing that she is like this, her reasoning is that she hates the mess. She always comes here when I invite her, but lately, unless there is a reason for it, e.g. in the summer when I invite DH siblings over, I would NEVER phone her and ask her to join us. So they have missed out on that rich generational thing that comes from having grandparents or older peoples wisdom at the table.

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had married someone else and had that grandparent thing happen, where you have grandparents that invite you over and you meet their friends and children get to know some older people . My kids will have older teachers, who could be their grandparents, so its not all that bad, but I find the whole thing very upsetting because she is living close by. For years I wanted my DH to accept a job overseas just so we would have space from them. I also would not have to have heard all about SIL kids every time we see MIL. ( because we would have seen them once

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 12:38pm

Sultan,

Thank you for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 1:40pm

You know, in my opinion, the level of favoritism that we are talking about here goes beyond the normal realm of acceptable behavior.

Pages