What would you do???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2009
What would you do???
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 9:50pm

I have a situation going on with my SIL that I don't know how to handle.  Apparently, my sweet SIL inherited a LOT of $$ several years ago and you

guessed it - she went from sweet to rhymes with witch!!  She acts physically repulsed by me.  She even makes ugly faces at me, makes derogatory remarks as I am walking towards her, and purposely leaves my family out of the loop on big decisions (ex.:  beach house family vacation).  This is

making me miserable.  I have no clue what I have done to her - if anything??  I am wondering what space ship came down and abducted my sweet SIL.

Anyway - I wanted to know what you guys thought about something.  Since our extended family is so big (9 kids in all plus 10 adults) we all decided a while back to draw names for the kids.  We also buy a present for my inlaws.  Usually - my SIL that I have been talking about - has Thanksgiving at her house and everyone draws names.  However, my family did not go this year to her house for Thanksgiving and I was told that they forgot to draw names.  Well on Nov. 25th my husband called his brother and talked about T'giving, etc.  He asked if my SIL had drawn names yet and he said no but he would remind her.  I sent a friendly email to her on the 26th asking kindly for the names of the kids that we got.   Well here it is December 13 and I STILL have not heard 1 word from her.  I keep mentioning it to my husband and I can tell he is getting tired of the subject matter.  Finally, he said he would address her at Christmas when 3 kids are standing there with no present.  (I have bought 3 Amazon.com Gift cards because I don't want a child to feel left out.  However, my husband doesn't know this.  Should I wrap the gift cards as presents and leave them in the car or what???)

Any advice would be tremendously appreciated.  

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 12-14-2012 - 12:38am

I would probably try to bypass her by calling the other SILs and asking if they've heard if its organized yet. If its not then you and the others can draw the names and get it settled, and someone can notify witchy SIL which names her kids "drew". 

If it has been organized and she just didn't bother to tell you, and the other SILs don't know who your family if gifting, I would ask dh to please send an email to SIL and cc: his brother (her husband) saying that neither of you have heard which kids your family is gifting, please tell you asap. Hopefully she won't blow off your dh too and it will come to her husband's attention. Normally I wouldn't have the dh's get involved but like you said its the kids who will be hurt by this little power game. If somehow you still don't know which kids you got then wrap the gift cards and take them so you have something for those 3 kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 12-19-2012 - 1:01pm

Husbands - Ssshhh.  He's getting tired of the conversation and you've made every attempt to resolve it for the sake of his family.  I think I'd have them in the car and not mention it to him at all.  Let him address the issue and be embarrassed and stand your ground.  Don't wiggle out of it and run and get the cards. He needs to know how much kids look forward to this issue and maybe after it is all done etc.   Suddenly remember that you have these cards in the card and give them to the children.  

Next year, do not let him off the hook.  Have the discussion early - his family his obligation.  And, next year, don't bail him out.