Who deserves the "heads up"?
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| Mon, 04-09-2007 - 11:11pm |
When my DH's parents want to come and visit, don't you think it's only appropriate that they call me as well (just as a courtesy of course) to check and see if it would be a good time for them to infringe on my life once again? Afterall, I do have a busy household with three school age children. You see, they think they are coming to visit in less than a month yet they've never ONCE talked to me about it or even mentioned their upcoming visit to me during any conversation we've ever had. I wouldn't ever think of planning a visit to see someone before I cleared it with everyone first. It's as if they don't think they need to check with me about anything but I just feel it's rude. What do you guys think? I need your opinions!
Edited 4/9/2007 11:21 pm ET by blessedwiththebest
Edited 4/9/2007 11:23 pm ET by blessedwiththebest
Edited 4/9/2007 11:24 pm ET by blessedwiththebest

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if your husband checked with you and you OKd it, then i think it's ok. (be happy ... if your in-laws are anything like mine, i'd rather my husband have any and all contact). if he did not check with you, it's just plain wrong. that may be something you have to reiterate with him ... that any and all visits are cleared through you first before approved. after all, i'm sure you have more of a handle on the kids' schedules than he does, NOT TO MENTION YOUR OWN!
a month's notice is pretty acceptable. i'd be happy with two weeks. if it makes you feel any better, recently my mother-in-law called my husband (after not making any contact with our family in over four months ... and yes, that includes our daughter's 1st birthday, christmas, and any other holiday/occasion you might expect a "grandmother" to want to inquire about her granddaughter ... although that's expecting too much of this woman, who has only called 3 or 4 times since the baby was born, and that was 16 months ago)and TOLD my husband that she was coming in 5 days and that she was going to see us (thankfully, she was staying with his grandmother, but still ...)
to make matters worse, we were just arriving home from a medically necessary trip to the west coast with our daughter (which we were dreading, but which actually turned out OK, for the most part) two days previous to her visit, and i was pregnant and exhausted. BUT HE STILL allowed her to come, because, heaven knows, he'll take any attention she'll throw our way ... he's THAT desperate.
so, we got to sit through her miserable, stony faced visit, during which she shows minimal interest in our baby, but wants to show us pictures of things she's done and talk about my husband's siblings to us. pathetic! thankfully, it was only a few hours!!
Well eek! Then your problem is with your husband and not his parents. Your husband should never be in the middle, as when he married you he joined sides with YOU. It's unfortunate if he doesn't "get" that. When you sat with your husband and told him it is extremely disrespectful to put them above you what did he say? When you told him that by going secretively with them plotting behind your back was forsaking you, was putting your marriage assunder, two of his VOWS, what did he say? If you haven't said those two exact things to him I highly suggest you do, and see what he has to say for himself.
He is not in the middle though. Not ever. If he's not on your side he is on theirs and you don't have a marriage if your own husband isn't with you. There is no middle.
Hmm. If you have received no *official* notice from your DH, then I would suggest making plans for you and the children for at least part of that time period. Do you enjoy parties with lots of children over? >:o)
Can you go *out of town* for the weekend? Have appointments so that *you* are unavailable to schlep *HIS* parents around?
Arrange it so that *HE* has to deal with *HIS* parents?
Change the locks on the doors and lock them all out, refusing to let *HIM* in until they've left? >:o)
Good luck to you.
ilve2read
Of course you could meet them at the door and just tell them that since no one had the courtesy to ASK if YOU were available, they are just on their own. After you've made sure that there are no clean dishes, no fresh groceries, and dust bunnies under the beds first.
I prefer the "direct communication" route, even when I lack the guts to actually use it!
PS To answer the question in your title, (pardon the yelling)THE ONE WHO IS DOING ALL THE ****WORK**** TO HANDLE THESE VISITS!!!! HELLO, CLUEBAT TO HUBBY'S HEAD!!!!! (I think I'm done now)
Edited 4/10/2007 8:09 pm ET by ilve2read
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