Why does battles ever occur?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Why does battles ever occur?
14
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 11:59pm
I have been reading everyone's posts and I have posted myself about their in-laws or future in-laws. What I don't get is...How do we get where we are? Personally, I liked my bf's parents and sister they turned on me. They don't always make it intention but their are little remarks that I am sure used to show my place. Like this Christmas my boyfriend and I bought our own presents for his family and grandparents from just us. We went over to his grandparents house with his mother, father, and sister to give the grandparents the presents. The grandfather was opening them and asked who was this one from. She goes, "They are from all of us"...and then rephrases herself "They are from the 4 of us" Little things like that really bothers me. My mother has even written his name on cards that we have sent to people. I know the turning point with the sister but I have yet to figure out the turning point when his mother turned on me. I was just curious if any of you remember when things changed or was there always tension?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 8:06am
Wow, Fluffy! And I thought my MIL was manipulative. I think if she became very nosy or something, that would be the last straw. I should count my blessings that mostly she's only draining us financially :P
Does your MIL still live three hours away? Have things changed at all for the better or only getting worse?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 8:48am
I can say that MIL has never depended on us to help her finanacially. In fact, she is always most generous with gifts, but they used to come with a price -- she wanted control. Years have changed things. First of all, now she only lives an hour away, but she is aging and with many health problems cannot drive to see us. That put us in control of when she would visit and for how long because we had to go to get her and take her back home. Several years ago we moved her to an apartment close by, but she was miserable and moved herself back to her hometown after 3 years. (All of this transpired at the time that I lost both my father and sister within 5 months of each other.) MIL is old, unhealthy and still very selfish, but does not have the impact on our family that she once did. Dh sees through her manipulative behavior and we just don't let it bother us like it did when our marriage and children were young.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 1:22pm
My MIL is in the same position as yours then, meaning that she can't be as controlling now because her health won't allow for it. Although I'm not a big pal of my DH ex-wife, I can sympathize with her a lot because I think she took a whole lot of sh*t from my DH's mom while they were married, and unfortunately I don't think he stood up for her very much. Since I'm not as aggressive as his ex, he stands up a bit more for me, but I still don't think we agree when it comes to how much of our finances should go to supporting family. Anyway, another poster wrote that we project a lot of anger onto our MIL's when really our husbands have just as much or more of the blame, and that is the case with my marriage, and that's why I think we're going to get counselling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 1:36pm
I am a very strong advocate of counseling! I don't think it could hurt anyone and you might be surprized how much it helps even if you do it as an individual in cases where the spouse refuses to participate.

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