Why does MIL have to hide behind lies

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Why does MIL have to hide behind lies
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 10:46am

Ugh, Another stupid element about her I find so strange! We got tough news the other night when the doctor told us DD2 has type 1 diabetes, she is 13. Genetics plays a big role here and I had told the doctor that I think a cousin once removed or two on my dad's side might have had it but DH told me his brother has diabetes which was a total surprise b/c I didn't know... So he calls his mom for advice, right away she gets on the defense and says brother doesn't have it anymore then offers all these thoughts that this is about her diet which is a big fat myth!! Furthermore, There is no cure for diabetes and while his brother might have it under control he isn't cured from it. This kind of stuff dismays both DH and I - I mean wouldn't it be nicer and more supportive to hear, Yes, your brother has this and he has learned to manage it and so will you... Instead she fires out all this ignorance. And she's trucked in comments like this before with other family, I don't know if his sister's DD was ever officially diagnosed ADD but she's often talked about that condition with blames on the father and his side for it. I could go on but I hope you get the picture here..

Lies get you nowhere and I just don't understand the rationales behind it!

Thanks for reading.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 11:55am

You are wasting your time and energy trying to figure out her "rationale".......because she has none.  She's a woman in denial, she will never change, and you have to accept that......as long as you're married to her son, she's part of the package.  You do NOT have to share family information with her though!  I had a friend like her for almost 60 years, and recently, I cut her out of my life, because I've listened to almost 60 years of negativity, and denial, and I can't take it anymore.  Two examples:  She has a daughter that weighs almost 400 pounds who finally found a man at age 40, who happens to be an alcoholic.  Mom paid for IVF because she couldn't get pregnant, and then she had a son who's Autistic.  Grandma (my "friend") tells everyone he's retarded, because she doesn't have a clue what Autism is.  We had a discussion years ago about gay men.  I was friends with a gay couple who were great guys.  I mentioned it to her, and got a lecture about it being sinful, and disgusting, and was asked if I'd let my sons be around them.  Obviously she also thinks gays are pedophiles!  I told her I would have no problem with that, and she said I was an unfit mother.  Recently, the subject of gay men came up again, and she said it's not a sin, and there's nothing wrong with gay men.  I asked when she'd had the change of heart, and she said when she found out her nephew was gay!!!  Oh, so your nephew is ok, but my friends are disgusting.?  I just don't need someone like her in my life!

Unfortunately, you can't "unfriend" your MIL.......but you can be careful what you share with her, and when she comes up with her stupid comments or ideas, you just agree with her, and don't let her see you rolling your eyes!  Good Luck to you AND your daughter.  She'll do fine, I'm sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 2:08pm
You know what I'm talking about! Sometimes I try to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she means well but I reall ydon't think that's what it is anymore, She has to be right and she is insensitive to others (narcassist perhaps!). It is hard to cut her out of my life b/c she is "family" but I can limit what I share with her, Thank you!



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 9:44pm

I wanted to add a post scriptabout your post, The retarded comment is so out of line and that's another way MIL's ignorance shows too - Dh's sister got married last year and before meeting her fiance for the first time we were told he has a son that is "retarded", I hate that word but I was expecting the features of downs syndrome, No, the boy is functioning autism. I just can't imagine not having common sense or decency about others!






iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Mon, 05-06-2013 - 10:19am

Actually, if you wanted to get information about your husband's brother, why not ask him directly instead of asking your MIL?  If she is that clueless about health (as a lot of people are, which should come as no surprise), then go directly to the person who has it.  This situation sounds like ignorance to me, not lying.  Your BIL may have even told his mother he no longer has diabetes just to avoid talking to her about it.  I also agree that if there is something going on in your family that you don't want your MIL to know about *do not tell her*.  That is the ONLY way to keep someone out of your business. 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Mon, 05-06-2013 - 3:50pm
Actually, His brother is disabled and non-verbal. Yes, I agree it's ignorance.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2012
Wed, 05-08-2013 - 10:20am

Just curious-how old is she? My mother insists my brother had "sugar diabetes" but got cured. No such thing ever happened. He never had diabetes to begin with. My sister's child has a seizure disorder and my mother thinks she is "retarded". In fact, anyone who has any kind of physical or mental issue my mother thinks is "retarded". 

 It is probably just sheer ignorance on your MIL's part and she doesn't realize she needs to educate herself on topics before she speaks.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Thu, 05-09-2013 - 1:26pm

Isn't it sad how stupid and self absorbed people can be and not to mention INSENSITIVE!!!  We alll must have someone or someone(s) that are just like this.  I have met so many people that have this whole double standard - tax breaks for some badddddd, tax breaks for them goooooood.  People with disabilities baaddddddd, special attention for their own needs, goooodddddd.  

My Inlaws (MIL, GMIL especially) were like this - no one in their families ever had cancer.  Really?  Cause I've heard stories of several.  

I think the right thing is to avoid discussing anything with this lady.  She's narcissistic and self absorbed so you will never get an answer that helps you or comforts you or that doesn't just leave you mad or just simply scratching your head in bewilderment.  Not worth the effort - you can seek so much more advice by joining a social network group on TYPE I diabetes  and get support in the process.

Sorry about your daughter - I can only imagine the stress this bring for you and DH.