wrong not to tell them about a new baby
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wrong not to tell them about a new baby
| Thu, 02-08-2007 - 11:48am |
My husband and i have decided we are ready to have another baby.
He told his dad whom i like(they are divorced) we have started trying and my family knows but he doesn't want to tell his mother or stepfather,i'm all for that .
I mean I cant stand mil or fil. But I think it's for totally diffrent reasons.
I'm pretty sure he wants to suprise her but I dont want them to have anything to do with my family(read previous posts you'll understand why)
Anyway I just wanted to know how far is too far to go?
They have been terrible to me and dh and I just cant stand the thought of the being around another one of my children.
Once when I was still breastfeeding my daughter before I got a backbone we visited his folks and my baby started to cry b/c she was hungry my mil refused to give her to me for 2 1/2 hours!
I cried the whole time and finally when her company was gone she gave her back to me.
I know I cant keep them out of our lives (trust me i already tried that) but is it wrong to make a list of guidelines for his family? or for my husband to agree to(sometimes he has a hard time standing up to them)?
I know he can't help what they do sometimes, but you know they tried things like givig my baby coke at 3 weeks they also tried to feed her garlic mashed potatos when she wasn't even ready for baby food( I was in the bathroom), they would try take her away from me while i was trying to feed her (from my boob!)
I mean totally wierd things.
Oh yeah the craziest thing was our car didn't have air conditoning and it would get so hot where we live that you could not even breathe when you walked outside, but they would call and get angry because we refused to drive over an hour to their house with our newborn who could have easily suffered heat stroke!
They also got mad when I was pregnant because I would get sick on the way over two mountains and wouldn't eat when we got there or because we couldn't go at all because I threw up most of the time in the car anyway .
So do you think it would be wrong to tell him that nothing like this will happen again anbd if it does certain measures will be taken? I want to tell them up front but I do have to respect my dh's thoughts also and I know he will not go for this he would rather wait.
When do you think would be a good time to do so if you agree with me?
Or if you have any better ideas i would love to hear them.
He told his dad whom i like(they are divorced) we have started trying and my family knows but he doesn't want to tell his mother or stepfather,i'm all for that .
I mean I cant stand mil or fil. But I think it's for totally diffrent reasons.
I'm pretty sure he wants to suprise her but I dont want them to have anything to do with my family(read previous posts you'll understand why)
Anyway I just wanted to know how far is too far to go?
They have been terrible to me and dh and I just cant stand the thought of the being around another one of my children.
Once when I was still breastfeeding my daughter before I got a backbone we visited his folks and my baby started to cry b/c she was hungry my mil refused to give her to me for 2 1/2 hours!
I cried the whole time and finally when her company was gone she gave her back to me.
I know I cant keep them out of our lives (trust me i already tried that) but is it wrong to make a list of guidelines for his family? or for my husband to agree to(sometimes he has a hard time standing up to them)?
I know he can't help what they do sometimes, but you know they tried things like givig my baby coke at 3 weeks they also tried to feed her garlic mashed potatos when she wasn't even ready for baby food( I was in the bathroom), they would try take her away from me while i was trying to feed her (from my boob!)
I mean totally wierd things.
Oh yeah the craziest thing was our car didn't have air conditoning and it would get so hot where we live that you could not even breathe when you walked outside, but they would call and get angry because we refused to drive over an hour to their house with our newborn who could have easily suffered heat stroke!
They also got mad when I was pregnant because I would get sick on the way over two mountains and wouldn't eat when we got there or because we couldn't go at all because I threw up most of the time in the car anyway .
So do you think it would be wrong to tell him that nothing like this will happen again anbd if it does certain measures will be taken? I want to tell them up front but I do have to respect my dh's thoughts also and I know he will not go for this he would rather wait.
When do you think would be a good time to do so if you agree with me?
Or if you have any better ideas i would love to hear them.

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You have every right to tell who you want to know that you want to have another baby. Also, you don't have to tell anyone who you don't want to know either. I think there should be clear guidelines and boundaries established with your MIL and StepFIL. Where was your DH when your MIL took your baby away from you? Has he said anything to his mother about any of this?
Your kids are YOURS and you have every right to impose whatever guidelines and boundaries you want regarding others and your kids. If they don't like it, then that is all the more reason why you should not associate with them.
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thank you so much for being so understanding 123 . by the way when in any of my post did i write my husband never did or said anything? i'm sorry for not giving you all the details but i guess i will. if thats whats called for.at the hospital he was there in the room. we were both new to parenthood and exhausted so in all honesty these thoughts did not come until later when i got my senses back from giving birth. at the wedding he was right beside me when his step father whispered in his ear that we were wasting money buying disney movies for our daughter instead of coming up there to visit with them.
(my husband had told mil this at the wedding and she thought it would be a good idea to tell fil so she would not look like the bad guy, i assume.)
anyway MY HUSBAND is the one who said we were leaving. then when they asked us to step outside and began their little hissy fit MY HUSBAND is the one who told them to shut their mouths and quit accusing me of everything that happens because half the time he never even mentions they want us to come up there because HE does not want to go.
when fil and my Husband were working together and he told a friend working with them we had not been to there house in months his friend asked why and fil said because of that b*tch he calls wife MY HUSBAND told him to shut his mouth and keep it closed that he was going to grow up and be a real man before he went around saying crap like that, and MY HUSBAND told his boss he could not work with someone who just tried to start trouble all the time.(it didn't work unfortunately)
so in conclusion MY HUSBAND was not sitting around with his finger up his butt or anything else of the sort (not saying that he has not at times, because he definately has to say the least.) he just was not these few times.
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