big fight w/sil

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
big fight w/sil
4
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 1:18pm

I am new to this board, and am soooo glad I found it. Perhaps you all can help with my situation.

My sil is very controlling, via emotional "blackmail". The family has enabled this for years. Lately, she has become more and more hateful, negative, and controlling to all of us (mil, fil, dh, her dh, children)

On my child's birthday, she had a big fit due to Christmas. If she couldn't have it her way and at her house, things weren't going to happen. finally, dh and I couldn't take it. Sort of the straw that broke the camel's back. (This type of stuff has been going on for about 12 years). dh told mil that we wouldn't be spending Christmas with them (mil and fil will be w/us on Christmas eve)....he felt we couldn't all have a happy celebration with the hurt feelings.

Well, both dh and I wrote sil to try to work things out. She only turned the tables on us, blaming us for everything and will not try to work anything out until we admit it was our fault (the situation is long and I don't want to bore you all with every detail).

So, my poor il's are stuck in the middle and sil isn't speaking to us. I am okay with that, because I feel she has serious issues that require professional help, but I feel bad for the in-laws.

I guess I wanted to vent and also to find out how to move forward so that we can all at least come together for special occasions.

thanks for the help.

dawn

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
In reply to: two_kids
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 2:48pm
It has not been a good month for SILs around here, for whatever reason. First off, you know, of course, that you can't make SIL behave herself, especially not if there really are psychological problems going on. I think your best bet, then, is to concentrate on keeping the other ILs out of the middle. You can start by making sure you don't vent to them about her, and making sure they know they're not obligated to listen to her rant about you. Second, I'd just let this go for awhile. By that I mean, let SIL not speak to you if she wants. Just don't put yourself in situations where you have to deal with her at all for awhile. After a few months, you guys will be feeling better, even if she's still nuts, and may find yourselves able to go to events where she is there. When there, just be courteous to her as you would be to someone you'd never met before, but don't go out of your way to be friendly either. I'm stuck at this point, but I'm sure others will have some good ideas.
UCAUTIONIN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP ERIN AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
In reply to: two_kids
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 10:59pm

Thanks for your advice. I'll let you know how things turn out.

dawn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: two_kids
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 8:47pm
I completely agree with skycat98. I too have a selfish SIL that often gets into fits. We try to disengage her bahavior, keep our distance and keep the rest of the family out of it. It goes in cycles, so once she calms down she is somewhat sociable again and then it starts again over some other petty issue again. As my DH always reminds me, you can't control their behavior but you can control how you let it affect you, your life, your family and what happens in your house. Good luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
In reply to: two_kids
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 5:58pm
I have to agree. I'm in the same boat. I have a very unsatisfied, unhappy, selfish, jealous, SIL. I also find she explodes in cycles. Then she is fine afterwards. It puts a lot of stress on my family. This just seems to affect my family and no one else. I cannot talk to any other family members because they would go and tell her what I said. I try my best not to do too much with her, keep my distance. She has other problems that I think she needs help for. I am civil with her in public and at family get-togethers but nothing more.I do not share my feelings with her and I don't want to be her best friend by any means. I tolerate her and that's about it.
Lash