DH & I splitting up-- he cites in-laws
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|Sat, 02-19-2005 - 6:32pm|
I haven't posted in a few months, but I've had some in-law problems, as well as marital problems. DH and his father and siblings are all alcoholics, MIL is an enabler in denial. DH & I have decided to separate-- we have 2 sons 17 and 8. DH says part of the reason our marriage failed is because of the in-law problems in recent years (All the in-law problems have been from his family). I don't necassarily agree with his assessment-- I think the major issue is the alcoholism, and the fact that I married so young. It maight be easier for him to blame his family, rather than admit that his alcoholism was a major factor.
Anyway, I don't foresee any vindictiveness on DH's part, but I have a nagging feeling that once my ILs get wind of our splitting up, then they'll resume their former bad behaviors of getting toasted and calling my house and unloading their issues on me. I told DH about this, and I told him that I won't hesitate for a SECOND to cut his family out of our sons' lives if they start hassling me about the marriage ending. MIL gets very emotional and martyr-like, SIL gets blame-y and paranoid, FIL gets rude and belligerent, and BIL gets like his father, but threatens as well (DSs and I have a restraining order against BIL). In the past, if ILs didn't like how we lived our lives, they'd call and scream at us, including calls to MY side of the family.
DH hasn't moved out yet-- I told him he could get his living arrangements sorted out, and then he'll move out of our house. Probably best not to tell ILs (he'll handle telling his side, I've told my mom already, and she's OK with it) until he's out of the house. We haven't told our kids yet as well.
Anyway, if anyone has any advice, please pass it along! :-) This is uncharted territory for DH & I-- no one has EVER divorced on his side of the family-- his parents have been married over 50 years, but even DH says they should have divorced years ago-- it's a very toxic relationship. My parents divorced when I was 9; mom's parents didn't get along and lived in separate states for 20 years until my grandfather died; and my maternal grandmother's parents' divorce made the newspapers in 1927. DH's family act like they're better than others because the parents have been married so long, and have ostracised me because my parents divorced. My mom did a damn good job for a single parent. My brother and I are well-adjusted adults, and we don't call up others in a drunken snit and unload our anger on unsuspecting, innocent people. BIL has been arrested for assault & battery, has restraining orders against him, drunk driving arrests, and SIL is so afraid to leave the town that she lives in that she never goes anywhere without my MIL. I pity my ILs because they're so ignorant about their own lives and how they judge and treat people. They go around perpetuating lies about me and my parents to boost their own low self esteem. It's truly pathetic.
I guess I've rambled on long enough! Any advice?
Edited 2/19/2005 9:38 pm ET ET by susieyippin