DIL dissed my son on facebook!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
DIL dissed my son on facebook!
13
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 11:19pm

So, first off, I'm not a fan of facebook.  I think it's a waste of time and I only go on it to see pictures of my granddaughter.  I don't care if my DIL wants to put random things on there about herself, but when she disrespects my son, I get upset.  She recently made a comment about him that was disgusting, disrespectful, and humiliating.  DH thinks we should say something to her.  (He usually isn't one to get involved in other people's problems but he's as pissed as I am)  It's bad enough she disrespects him straight to his face (she's done this many times in front of us, and it really bugs me) but now she has to broadcast it for how many people to see?  Anybody else have this problem? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 12:42am

Hello~from 1 MIL to another, your going to have to stay out of it. Otherwise DIL can cut y'all off from your grandchild. I've got 3 SIL's, the 1 who is married to my middle dd is just awful {at one point in time we employed all 3 of the SIL's, this 1 was the worst. He lied to us, would come to work stoned or drunk. He was/is a good carpenter. But as a employee he's awful} he's bad mouthed both my husband & myself {the xh loves him} if I want to see my 2 grandkids I just grin & bear it. You need to do the same, I promise if y'all say anything it will start WWIII

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 10:15am

I agree--this is something for your son to take up.  You shouldn't interfere.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 11:14am

This is a problem between your son & his wife.  NOT your problem.  Your son is a big boy and can stand up for himself.  If his wife is such a nasty person, it is HIS job to do something about it.  Stay out of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 6:52pm

Maybe if you guys saw what she wrote, you'd feel differently.  I don't want to say specifically, just in case there might be (I know it's not likely) someone on here that knows her.  There are so many people that can see her facebook page even if they're not friends.  My son had difficulty with friendships in high school, and it's just what he needs to have these people that didn't like him (he had some emotional issues and his "friends" didn't know how to deal with it)  to see this and think even less of him.  This is why I hate facebook.  Anyhow, let's just say it had to do with bodily functions, something that he cannot help, and he doesn't deserve to have it broadcasted on fb.  We have taught our sons to be respectful and if they respect their wives/girlfriends they deserve the same in return.  Sometime I'll just see what he thinks about this.  To me, if she's put it on fb, she's made it everybody else's business.  So, I think I totally have the right to say something, since others can comment on it, I should be able to as well. 

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 9:49pm

I don't disagree with you that it was unkind and inappropriate for your DIL to post something so personal on FB. And you have as much right as anybody else to post a comment. The question is, what will happen after that?

If you say something that displeases your DIL will she block you from FB (and photos of the baby)? Will she get upset with your ds about what his mom is saying on her FB page and make his life miserable? Might she even push him to choose between wife or mother? 

This is your son's battle to fight, if he even thinks its worth fighting. Hasn't he been out of HS for 10 years, are you sure that he even cares what former classmates think about him now---assuming that people who weren't his friends are looking at his or her FB page? IF those people are reading it, then don't you think having his Mommy jump to his defense will make things worse? He chose the woman he married and knows what she's like, even though you're not crazy about her he seems willing to be with her so you have to accept her with all of her bad points.

I know its not what you want to hear, but stay out of it. He's a grown man, capable of taking care of himself, and its none of your business. Hide her FB posts if she says things that upset you. Get your son to put the baby pix on his FB or email them to you. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 10:57pm

Our (mine and my husband's) original plan was to answer the e-mail that I get when she posts a comment.  I wasn't really going to post anything on her fb page.  IF I did I would simply say "this isn't funny."  DH and I often question ourselves if he should have married her, and my son questions himself sometimes.  It's not a good situation.  Now with a baby in the picture, he's stuck.  He won't do that to the baby.  (split up, I mean)  She has emotional issues, and acts very immature much of the time.  She needs to grow up, and quick, she's a mother now. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 5:35pm

If she has emotional issues, I don't see how your getting involved is going to help the situation.  You may want to suggest to your son to seek counseling for himself and his wife.  The two of them need to come together and decide whether this marriage is a healthy one (regardless of the child).  No one should be the punching bag in a relationship, and that your son has put up with this tells me he's not in the healthiest way emotionally either. 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 6:35pm

Well, I talked to my son about the fb comment and he's not bothered by it.  It is surprising to me because years ago this type of comment would have bothered him but because it's her and she was just being funny it's fine.  And, I guess this type of thing is "normal" on fb.  I just hope she never has to find another job and a potential employer looks on her fb page and sees how immature she is.  And yes, this is my business because we own their house and they owe us money.  My son got laid off from a job and ended up doing a short sale on another home and couldn't get a loan so we stepped in to help.  I do not regret helping him, but she is not careful with money.  She is getting better but the damage is done.  She has loans and when they got married he inherited her debt.  I find it VERY difficult to stay out of their business when they both complain to me about each other, and they fight and disrespect eachother in front of us.  If I EVER treated my husband like that in front of my MIL, she absolutely would have given me an ear full.   (There's a reason why we've been married for 30 years) I'm also concerned that raising their child in this environment teaches that it is O.K.  So how do I stay out of their business when I'm in it knee deep?  I hate this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 8:11pm

It appears that the FB outburst is just one of the symptoms of a troubled marriage.  There are a myriad of root causes.  As another poster said, perhaps you should suggest that you son and DIL get some counseling, which would be far more productive than asking DIL or remove the comment on FB, which does nothing to remove the underlying problem.

The way I look at it, as mother, grandmother, and MIL, you only have a limited number of chips to play.  Use them wisely and pick your battle.  If you make suggestions from time to time, they may listen.  If you try to interfere all the time, they will turn you out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 10:57pm

I don't know if my son's insurance pays for counseling, and that's just another way that I'm getting in their "business."  I'll have to think about it. 

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