Do you get along with the In-Laws?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Do you get along with the In-Laws?
20
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 2:37pm

Do you get along with the In-Laws?



  • Get along great w/ MIL and FIL
  • Love MIL; Strained w/FIL
  • Love FIL; Strained w/MIL
  • Relationship could be be better with both
  • If I had known it was gonna be like this, I would have run away!!!


You will be able to change your vote.


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Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:28pm
I get along pretty well with both. There are problems sometimes, but that is to be expected. Compared to some of the things I read on this board, I think my in-laws must be saints - LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 1:18pm
my mil and fil still consider their ex-dil as their dil,(to no fault of mine) so needless to say, we have absolutely no relationship with them whatsoever. but, my mil is warped in the brain because she lives and loves to cause trouble and friction, so i don't feel too badly about it because she has problems and needs to seek professional help.

she's soooooo two faced! and she has the nerve to be religious!!! she's a jehovah's witness.....she gives that religion a really bad name!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 2:21pm
Same here. I get along pretty well with my in-laws, but I must say that I lucked out because they are absolutely divine compared to some that we hear about on this board. There are little things about my FIL that do bother me from time to time, like his extravagance, but these quirks are easily overshadowed by his good qualities.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 8:38pm
FIL isn't so bad, but I almost called off my wedding 'cause of MIL. Divorce was a serious option for a while. Thankfully DH is finally starting to come around and see the mommie dearest is whacked!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 2:14am
I wonder if my DH will realize his family's whackieness! I'm having second thoughts about our marriage recently. A lot of drama that is driving me nuts!

Shelley

Be Happy and Enjoy Friend's Company!

 

pregnancy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 3:08pm
It has taken a really good marriage counselor and my packed bags for DH to begin to see that there is a problem. I hear you about the drama, it drives me nuts too. I try as much as possible to step outside of the situation and see the humor. It doesn't always work, but it helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 9:51pm
My boyfriends mother is from hell!(I'm 17) She is absolutely insane, and I feel horrible for being so miserable about it straight to him, but somethings gotta give! She has all 3 of her boys and her husband wrapped arpund her little finger! I Love love love his dad, but I can't believe how under her spell he is! She is wacko! She has her own little puppet show for her, her own puppets! They dance for her, and don't even see it. The oldest son, 24, still lives at home (all 3 do, 17, 23, 25) he's married, with a child, and she still controls him! His marriage is falling apart because of her, and they are moving out this January with not a lot of cash because of her! My b/f is finally coming around and seeing how she is, with her mind games and her little world that she controls, but he still doesn't see it all. I know it hurts him when I say these things, but its way out there. It sounds like I'm exagerating, but I'm sure some of you ladies know that I'm not! To say the least, this Christmas is already insanely stressful, and somehow she is ruining my favourite time of year.:( she even stole MY big gift idea for him after I told her, so the older brother told me, and I had no choice other then to take it back! (I would have given it to him, but I dont want his brother to think badly of me!) This woman is nuts. I don't know what to do! All of the boys leave things laying around, and seem so..young! Mommy dearest does everything for them, and it's insane how much common sense they don't seem to have... to hang up a wet towel properly even! Wow... the years to come, I just can't wait:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 12:16pm

Sorry I missed this poll, I got here as soon as I could!
It's great to read results and posts like the ones in this group, so we don't feel so terribly alone. A lot of what we all go through with our in-laws is rather universal, isn't it?

With my first marriage, my mil was such a bone of contention between my ex and I. He thought she was a saint and so did she...and she thought he was the perfect specimen of a man, the light of her life, her baby boy...and so did HE. (Delusion of Grandeur, trust me. Neither of them were/are as perfect as they believe they are!)
Since she could find nothing wrong in her son, and he obviously agreed with her, therein was the problem.
My ex fil was a pretty decent fella. I always liked him and enjoyed his company. That didn't set well with my ex mil, as she resented my affection for my exfil, for some reason.

Now, it's the opposite scenario. My future mil is a delightful, gentle-hearted woman who is a joy to be around, and seems to love unconditionally. My future fil is incredibly intrusive. He has already alienated his other two dils, because he doesn't seem to understand about boundaries. He is a very successful business man, is doing very well (financially) in his retirement, but has COMPLETELY been missing the boat on personal relationships. He has no idea how to communicate to his loved ones, and as I said, has a very intrusive personality and approach. In the beginning, I tried to make excuses for him and was determined to accept him and get along. However, he quickly practiced his method of operation on me, and I soon learned I would have the same problems with my future fil as the rest of the family. He is the relentless-type. When he gets something in his head, there is NO swaying him, regardless. One of the things I find MOST disconcerting about him is the way he treats my dear future mil. I can not believe that tender-hearted, loving, gentle woman could bear so many years of verbal/emotional abuse from the old fella.
It's funny...you would think, knowing how much it bothers him that he is rarely welcome to visit in his dils' homes for any length of time, that he would wake up and get a clue. He surely must know it is HIM and his method of operation that is alienating him from his own family and lovely wife!?! For as smart and successful as he is business-wise, he hasn't learned much in dealing with loved ones, unfortunately.
That doesn't define success to me...

I am going to have to figure out a way to set boundaries and let him know what is acceptable and unacceptable to me, in the home that I share with his wonderful son.
With my future husband's support, we should be able to accomplish this.

I'm gonna read some more posts. I'm glad I found this group!

Sincerely,
Joie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 1:21pm
How did you get him to come around and accept that his mom is not perfect? I have the hardest time watching Everybody Loves Raymond, because it hits so close to home... But DH thinks his mom always means well... Even when giving her the benefit of the doubt, I still think that she manipulates him and FIL and tries to do the same with me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 4:43pm
Glesga, I know just how you feel! I'm not sure if I said this before, but Marie is her(boyfriends mother) secret nickname! lol I know the feelings perfectly! I would love to know how to get my b/f to come around and see the light, he is seeing it partly now, and it's just because I've explained to him why I think the things I do about the way she acts, and I have to admit, I get pretty angry and tend to drill it into his head! :S, but anyways... he see's it a bit now, but not quite all of it, and I doubt he ever will see every bit of it, but I guess that is a bit to ask..since it still IS his Mom.

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