He sees it in others but ignores his own family's behaviour

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
He sees it in others but ignores his own family's behaviour
1
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 6:35pm

My husband in making me crazy.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

The behavior of your friends might bother your dh so much because its exactly what his family does. It probably bothers him that his family does those things (even if he doesn't admit it) but he seems to feel that he has to accept the family's traits--because he doesn't think he can change them or because he hates the drama that ensues if he complains, or whatever. You don't get to choose your family so you're stuck with their bad behavior unless you decide to remove yourself from them, which in his family would probably cause no end of grief.

You do get to choose your friends and he might feel some control by disapproving of them. If YOU don't want to end the friendship then you need to tell him that and remind him that as a couple you make these decisions together. You might be able to get him to discuss why he is so bothered by the friends' behavior if you are careful in how you bring it up. If he sees it as a comparison to his family he may not talk, because its not logical to treat people differently for the same offense, but that's how he chooses to relate to his family.