Hubbies mom an dad still chummy with the ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2007
Hubbies mom an dad still chummy with the ex
9
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 1:01am
Hubby an I have been married 5 years an he divorced since 2002. He has a daughter that spends a lot of time with her grandparents which is great. Problem is I feel the Ex should not ask his parents to babysit, pick daughter up from school and take daughter to doctor appointments all the time. She never asks her parents an her father is home all the time he is retired and her mother is a partite real estate agent who works right across street from daughters school, not to mention the Exs sister has kids at same school. But she never asks them. Now the problem is my hubbies mother still talks to an invites the Ex over. I kinda feel this is disrespectful to me. I understand she was a part of their life before me but she an hubby were only married 3 years an yes I know they have a child together, but I draw the line at mother in law inviting her over last Christmas with us there. I know it's not my house but really?. Am I wrong here or do I have a right to be peeved. I asked hubby to say something but I don't know if he did. Should I voice my opinion or keep quiet.

Malificient

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 9:27am

I can certainly sympathize that this must be a frustrating and uncomfortable situation to be in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 3:48pm

This is kind of part of marrying someone with kids, no?

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 8:25pm
I understand that this is difficult for you but frankly it's none of your business who your ILs are friends with and who they do things for. If they don't treat you with disrepect then you should accept them as they are. I understand that it is uncomfortable to be at an event with your DH's ex but they have a child together & I think it's wonderful that they do family holidays together. My ex bil & sil get together for all family events even when they have SOs and their DS is doing the same thing with his ex & their kids. This shows an amazing level of maturity for all of those involved. They are putting the kids' needs before their personal feeling. To me, these are amazing parents & grandparents.

Don't know if you plan to have children or if you have any but I can't imagine not being with mine on a holiday because I had an ex who had the kids that day. Being able to be all together & forget the personal issues would be the mature way to deal with this. Are you worried that your DH will go back to his ex? I would think that you are the one here who has him & should be comfortable enough to deal with his ex being around. So sorry, you are wrong to be peeved & you should keep your mouth shut.

Dee
Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 12:48pm

I understand your points - but I also feel that holidays are supposed to be enjoyable.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 6:49pm
I agree that holidays are supposed to be enjoyable but I strongly believe that kids come first. In my examples, I used my sil/exbil & nephew who put their kids first but I was also part of a split family. My stepdad had 2 kids & for holidays while his ex wife was alive, holidays were spent as one great big happy family. Yes, it was uncomfortable for my Mom, the ex wife & myself but the 2 younger kids were very happy. Again, I will place more importance on the happiness of children than an adult being uncomfortable. I don't see this as the son being uncomfortable but rather it sounds like the poster would be happiest if her ILs had nothing to do with the ex. I suspect that the son was happy to spend the time with his kids, parents & new wife. The ex was likely just "there".

Dee
Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 9:01am

Hi Dee,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 6:54am

Just wanted to put my own spin on this.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 12:00pm
Great response from someone living this! I think you, your X and SOs are handling this in the most mature way possible. Frankly, how many times does everyone get together for a holiday celebration each year & as you say, the new DW can chose not to go.

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 7:14am
See, that's the thing. For a couple hours on Christmas, the kids get to see everyone. It also shows to the kids that their family is different, but still functioning. My parents would be of with x coming over. Especially if I asked. They don't like him for what he did to me, but in the end of the day it is between me and him. My bf can choose not to come if x is there. He tends to choose to. He also recognizes that he is an addition to my girls' family. If he wants to join, he needs to respect their wishes. I have another friend who does this too. Few and far between are we who can pull this off. But I can say that this separation has been hell on me, but the kids are good.

I wish the OP luck in the meshing of the family. It is NOT easy, but in the end, if the kids are happy and well adjusted, it is all worth it.

Good luck sweetie!!!