Rude MIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Rude MIL
12
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 11:55am
The day after I gave birth to my first baby my MIL came to the hospital to see me and the baby. She arrived fairly early and I was in the bathroom therefore, she saw me walk from the bathroom back into my bed. She exclaimed "Oh my god, did you even have a baby--you still look pregnant". My MIL has said many other rude comments to me since I had the baby and I am having a hard time not being cold to her. Am I overreacting? Am I off base for feeling so hurt that she would say this to me (in a joking manner) at such a vulnerable time that I can't seem to get over it? This is also the same woman who told me that I was "hyper and over protective of my 7 week old" and that I "need to relax".
I have so many more stories to tell but am interested in what everyone thinks about these particular situations. Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 8:58pm

Congrats on your new baby!

No, I don't think you are overreacting. She sounds like my GrandMIL, saying nasty things in a joking way. It's definately a coverup for passive agressive behavior. People like that have an agenda and it's meant to hurt you. You need to confront her next time she does this. If you don't stop her from saying things like this now, she'll never stop it will only get worse.

Good luck,
April P.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 8:35am
Thanks for responding April.
I know you are right and the best way to deal with it would be head on, however I tried that with another situation with her that I wasn't quite so upset by and it really didn't work because she only sees and hears what she wants to when she wants to. I really just wanted some objective opinions to see if I was "being too sensitive again". Have you confronted your GrandMIL? How did it go?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 11:05am

It didn't go well at all. (Only one other relative had ever confronted her on her bad behavior. I'm not sure what the details were there.) But there wasn't any other alternative, it had just gone on for too long and was getting worse. I should have nipped it in the bud. GMil is nasty like that alot to everyone. All of the family thinks we should "just put up with it because that's how she is."

My DH, and I decided a year ago to cut off all contact with her and it's been alot better for us. It was not a good situation for our 4 children to be subjected to. Yes, they were targets of her nasty comments also.

Dh's family tries to force us to see her, but were not giving in. By force I mean that they give him the silent treatment, or bring her up all the time in conversation. It was just recently GMil's birthday and we didn't do anything for her. So Dh's parents and sister haven't been speaking to us. Not that I care anymore.

Sorry it got kind of long, but I'm just letting you know for the sake of comparison.
Take care and keep us posted,
April P.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 1:24pm

I can relate. At 4 weeks post-partum I had an appendectomy and was put on exercise restrictions. At 6 weeks post-partum my MIL came to visit. I had gained over 60 lbs. during pg and by the time she came to visit- I had lost about 45 of those lbs. Anyway, that's not good enough for her... I heard- "Oh, I see you're already trying to squeeze into those jeans..." Same thing she said when I was 3 months pregnant. Meanwhile- she is about 100 lbs. (no exagerration...) overweight.

You are not overreacting. Hormones play an evil role during and after pregnancy. I wouldn't want to meet a woman who was not protective over her 7 week old...

By the way, I did confront her and she didn't see anything wrong w/it. I let her know that I was not her size and therefore I had no reason to try to "squeeze" into anything... We are not on speaking terms. She could dish it out just fine...

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:04pm

MIL: "Oh my god, did you even have a baby--you still look pregnant"

You: "Mother-Dear, have you gained weight? You look like the broad side of a barn!"

LOL! It always help to cheer me, dreaming of what I COULD have said, if I had the desire to really cut loose. Hee hee.

Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 8:22pm

Here is another one.

MIL: "Oh, I see you're already trying to squeeze into those jeans..."

You: " Like you are some beauty queen?" or " Like you are the next super model?"

I can been very mean. I could come up with some REAL nasty ones, but I won't.

Melissa


Cl-Mugalug

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 3:41pm
I thought about what would honestly come out of my mouth if my mil said something like this. Especially after all the crap she has put us through. I realized what I would say was "like you are one to talk, you big lazy fat a$$! At least I have an excuse having just given birth, what's yours?!" OMG. Years ago I never would have talked to anyone like that but given her treatment of me, this is what I would say now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:16pm

Nope, you're not overreacting at all. That was a very rude thing to say to you. After everything you'd just been through, going through labor and delivering a child, she had the nerve to comment on your appearance? Goodness....

I wish I could understand why MILs end up being so rude and nasty. When we lost our first son unexpectantly, at birth, to respiratory failure, my MIL had the nerve to write me a letter saying, "Well, at least you were a Mother for a few months". I grabbed that letter in my clenched fist and told my DH, "I am STILL a mother! Death doesn't change that!". I'd like to say it was the post-delivery hormones or a Mother's initial grief....but it's been almost 8 years now, and I'm still just as hurt by her comment.

So I don't think it had anything to do with you being post-delivery...it was just plain rude, no matter when she decided to say it.

Enjoy your new bundle of joy! :-D

Pat

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:28am

Is this the first time she has been rude or is this the norm? If she is normally rude, then just chalk it up to the fact that this is who she is.

If she isn't normally that way, then maybe a chat would be in order.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: mom_marie0819
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:39pm
I wish I could say that this was the first time, but unfortunately, it is not. In the last few weeks I have come to conclusion that she is a very self-centered person who gives absolutely no thought to what she says or what effect it will have on others before she says it. I recently tryed to talk to her about some of her more recent rude things but she doesn't get it. It is like trying to talk to a drunk person. It is very frustrating. One of her more recent things was that "my guest room is very unwelcoming and how do I think that makes her feel?" I have a 6 month baby, work part time and we just moved into our house 7 months ago. Let me tell you something too...this room has curtains and a bed and I bought new sheets and comforter...so I am not quite sure what she wants, but frankly I don't care. If she says it to me again, I am going to tell her to stay in a hotel then.

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