Find a Conversation
|Thu, 04-21-2011 - 1:48pm|
I'll try not to go on and on, but this is some kind of sordid tale, so bear with me.
I married my husband in 2007. I had been a single mom (never married) for 13 years (was 36) and he was single, four years my junior. I shoulda known something was up during the planning period when the MIL threatened to pull her portion of funding (that she offered, btw, I never asked) if I didn't allow her daughter, who I'd met exactly twice, to be a brides maid. I also should have known when she pulled me aside and said she always knew her son would marry a woman with kids. But I didn't know, and I'm a generally happy person and tried to keep her happy as well. It wasn't until I caught onto her game less than a year into the marriage that things really blew up. She called my husband one day and droned on and on for almost an hour, after which he sank into a mighty depression. I didn't have to know what she said, I just knew that she had worked some sort of family dynamic and crushed his spirit. So when she called the next day, I answered and she asked how my SO was and I told her he was pretty depressed over whatever she had said to him on the phone.
Next thing I know she sends her daughter to deliver a letter saying she didn't really mean to call me white trash, and her husband (my FIL) didn't really mean it when he called me a welfare mom (which is really stupid, considering welfare never came into the equation for me). I was blown away that they would talk about anybody that way, let alone a family member. The MIL is a social worker, for chrissakes!
Fine, I got over that...eventually. But two years later, in her regular cycle of insanity (read: same time of year) she and my FIL decided to wait until I had taken my daughter and her friend on a vacation I had been planning for her since she was two (a women's history tour of New England) to approach my husband "intervention-style" and tell him he should divorce me and they would pay for it. This was three days into a 10-day trip. I ignored it for most of the trip while I tried to communicate with my husband via telephone to assuage his feelings. He was furious, rightly so. Towards the end of the trip she finally got into my head and I didn't sleep for the last two days. I will hate both MIL & FIL forever for ruining my long-planned vacation with my daughter and for their sick and deceitful actions against me while I was away.
It took another six weeks after I got back to convince my husband that the arrangement we had with his grandfather (we were living with him and taking care of him) was not going to work because they would always have an in as they held his power of attorney. And they did. We politely requested time to process what happened; they went from showing up once a week to showing up almost every day. They were physically and mentally harassing me while hubby was at work. We finally left eight months ago. MIL, as was typical, blew up his phone for the first month until I blocked both their cell lines and their home phone (I freakin' LOVE T-Mobile for having this option!). They finally got the message then and stopped harrassing us. It has been seven blessed months of my hubby growing stronger and me reclaiming my mental health, but it is all about to come to an end.Here's why.
Just before we got married, Hubby's grandfather took us both to the Kia lot and bought us brand new cars as a wedding gift. The cars are in grandfather's name until he pays them off. This is really what's burning up MIL inside, as she thinks SHE should be the sole arbiter of doling out family resources, and she would never have allowed it if she had known. I didn't even know she didn't know, but I am the target nonetheless. We are about to move to another city in about five weeks in order to put another layerof protection between us and them, and because there are jobs in the city we're moving to. I lost my job last year (which is another thing that burns MIL up) and haven't found work locally, even though I send out about 10 resumes a week. Anyway, I'm fine with just moving, no contact with them required. Hubby thinks if we move without telling them they will yank the cars. They threatened to do this last year; they were planning to call the cops and tell them we stole the cars that grandfather gave to us.
So I've unblocked FIL's number and the house number (will never, ever unblock the MIL number; she can suck it forever). Hubby and FIL have arranged a coffee date tomorrow wherein hubby will tell him we are moving. I am suddenly full of anxiety. I don't care if they take the cars, and I've worked hard to squeeze our budget to afford another car, which we now have just in case. It isn't the best car, but we can build upon if they decide to go nuclear, yank the cars, and burn the bridge forever. I just worry about hubby, because he is just beginning to figure out what a trip they have played on his head for his entire life, and I don't want him to get sucked back into their madness. We've been going through some coaching excersices all this week wherein we recall all the ways in which they've tried to exploit situations and manipulate people, and go over all the ways they have failed him as parents (the list is practically endless).
I just needed a place to tell the story and express my anxiety, so I thank you so much if you've read this far.