She returned her invite.... ARGHHHHHH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
She returned her invite.... ARGHHHHHH!
16
Sun, 08-21-2011 - 4:55pm

I tried posting on a wedding website where I thought I might find more people in a similar situation and such but instead was met with criticisms regarding my grammar and spelling.

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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sun, 08-21-2011 - 5:56pm

I'm not trying to bash you but I don't understand why you continue trying to include FMIL in your wedding planning when she's made it clear that she doesn't want to be involved in any good or helpful way. She's not going to offer to help or pay because she only cares about herself, so don't expect it so you won't be disappointed. The rest of the family knows exactly how she is and what she is doing. If they go along with her and "turn on you" its because they want to. My sympathies on marrying into such a family. I hope that you and your fiance are able to move away from them soon.

Did you choose the wording of your invitations based on wedding etiquette books etc? If so then your fiance should tell his mom that the invites are worded that way because that's how they're supposed to be. Then he should get back the invitations that she is supposed to deliver, and call the guests to ask for their addresses then mail them yourself.

Does your fiance see her actions in the same way that you do, or does he think everything is fine?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 12:49pm

Kheta,

I am sorry that she is doing this - because she is making a special time in your life very frustrating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 5:23pm

Interesting.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 10:17pm

I probably would not take any money from her, because then she will think that she can demand things on the basis that she paid for them. Better to just have her be a guest that gets to sit at a head table.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 11:59am

Kheta,

Bottom line for you and your future husband in all this is: Stop letting his mother run your lives. If my MIL had insisted on dictating my wedding to me and my husband the first thing I would have said to her is: And where will you be sending the check?

You and your fiance need to stop trying to please this woman and start taking charge of your lives. She's obviously addicted to uproar and chaos or she wouldn't be so good at creating it. The only way you're ever going to have peace in your household is to get a handle on how this woman really is, the fact no one is going to change her, and get help to deal with her antics.

MAIL an invitation to her certified so she can't say she didn't get one. (This will also give you a record of attempted delivery should she refuse it. Then, when she tells everyone she didn't get invited you can show them the "delivery refused: postcard.)

Then, use www.whitepages.com to locate the addresses of the family members she won't give you herself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 6:01pm

Trust me I have exhausted every avenue of trying to get addresses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 8:24pm

In regards to guest question on menu....

Send guest an email that says:

Dear

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 1:35pm

I had the issue of special food options come up last year at a banquet I was assisting with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 1:37pm

You've already gotten some great advice here . . .

Look it's only natural for you try your best to include FMIL in your wedding decisions.

Avatar for 3togetready
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-1999
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 10:19pm
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