Should DH pay for bro college fees after he failed 3 yrs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Should DH pay for bro college fees after he failed 3 yrs?
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 9:43am

Hi Guys.

It's wonderful to know that you are here for support. Ok. I hope not to be LONG. I am 31 Dh 38, no children yet i had 2 miscarriages in the past 6 mths. I met my DH 5 years ago, married for 2. I was single with my own small business & was living in an apartment at my mom house. I had bad experience with my fam since i was in a long distance relationship and was helped out financially. They would always ask for something which i would give. My DH had the same experience with his dad who never took care of him. His mom went to another country 8 years ago. Presently i am not employed, my DH is. We are still living in my moms apartment since she is not in this country, we are hoping to get our own home next year. This thing is my DH younger brother got a scholarship and failed 3 yrs in a row and was sent back to this country. Now his he is going to university here and my DH mom expects my husbands to pay his fees. My DH studied and it was very hard he took a loan. His mom was there for him while growing up but it was still hard. i have never seen her and i started asking my DH to communicate with her more since she is his mom. I aam very skeptical since her brother told me she is very greedy and always want. firts she used to send small gifts for me and since i stop telling her my business she would send little stuff on DH birthday and not a sweetie for me. i talk to her like once a month and i stopped for a while. For the past 4 years she has been calling and telling us about different friends of hers who have places to rent telling us we should rent a place. My DH is does not say much but he deos not like it. I am making alot of sacrifices here since this apartment is small. Now his brother is calling him and bugging him for $$ & we do not have much. I was in an accident and i took my saving to buy another car so my husband will be less stressed. So after being here for five years at my mom apartment making sacrifices. I have alot of things that i need and am doing without for now. Should i allow my DH to pay for his bro fees for 4 years?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
Absolutely NOT. He should get a job or a loan to pay for his own college. He is never going to do well if he doesn't have some stake in it. It's easy to fail when it doesn't cost you a cent.

I would draw the ling hard on this one. HELL-NO should you do without basic living things (like your own place to live) in order to help someone else. Family first, means YOUR family (you and DH) first, not his family first.

Good luck,

Jets Siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

ITA with Busylizzy. Why not take the money you would have spent on him and tear it up into tiny little pieces?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008

Hi Odigrl,

First, welcome and hope we are able to help with your question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004

absolutely positively NOT!! If your bil wants to try again he can apply for scholarships, loans, work study, find a part

time job etc.

You are dh's family now and the mother and brother etc are extended family now. YOU come first. And I assume that BIL

is of an age where he can work? This is not your dh's problem anymore.

anon for this one