2 BEST FRIENDS DATING- HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
2 BEST FRIENDS DATING- HELP!
3
Mon, 08-12-2013 - 2:34pm

Okay so a little background on me...Im 28 and single. Got out of a long/serious relationship about 2 years ago and have been randomly dating since. I dont have many close friends anymore because Im at that age where people are seriously dtaing/getting married/having kids. I have one really close girlfriend...the last of my single friends, who i go out with on weekends and have fun with and talk to her about everything in both of our lives. I also have a guy best friend....ive known him for years...we never ever had any type of romantical past. We are just REALLY close...he lives liek 10 minutes from me and we would just hang out at each others houses during the week after work and just do whatever. Hes probably the closest person to me. So last year on Halloween my best gf, lets call her Jen, met my best guy friend, John, for the first time and they hit it off. And at first I was TOTALLY all for it. Like putting in a good word for him (bc she was skeptical) and hes a very easy going guy and easy to get along with....and they started hanging out A LOT. Like moving very quickly to the point that they were together every single day and i was like this sucks. It was really rocky with both of them because i felt discluded form things but also wouldnt wanna hang out w the 3 of us like a 3rd wheel. And then also she started getting a bit crazy and really clingy towards him and a bit jealous of mine and his friendship. So there was a lot of tension in the beginning with all 3 of us and eventually he just had enough and ended it with her after a few months. Then they cold turkey didnt talk for 6 months...which was also annoying to me because they are both my best friends and it was awkward and hard not to hang out. So when my birthday happened this year i invited both of them out and they both came and of course old feelings came back and they started talking again. She was VERY hesitant at first but kept hanging out w him. So now they are pretty much back together (she hasnt given it that title yet because shes worried he might break up with her again so she is trying to keep the upper hand)...but once again they are together ALL the time. She used to call me every day after work and now she probably calls him bc i never hear from her. And me and him barely see ecah other/nevermind talk. And every time we talk its like a bit of tension...i think its bc of my built up resentment or anger or whatever the feelings are...it just feels strange when we talk.

My question is...what do i do? I hate feeling like this but i really feel like i just lost 2 of my best friends at the same time...I dont want to be selfish and i dont want to be that angry friend but im just really hurt. When he dates other girls i NEVER care but now that its my best friend im just so upset and feel lonely. Now they are back to being stuck to each others hips and i cant seem to hang out w any of them by myself. And when i do they are texting each other...it just sucks. How do i handle it without coming off as the jealous/bitter friend?

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 08-15-2013 - 5:07pm

Man, that has got to be wierd.  But here are my thoughts. 

If these two really are your friend, then you will be happy for them.  It may be bumpy at first and I am sure it is hard to have both sort of disappear on you, but I think with time it will get better.  Remember you have distinct R with each of them.  Will it change if they stay together?  Probably.  But you really need to keep their best interest at heart, not yours. 

Like Music said, take this time to do things maybe you have been putting off.  Family, other friends, hobbies, etc. 

I have friend who started dated one of my xBF's.  In all fairness, I am in my 40's and probably have a different perspective than you.  But, to add to it, my xBF used to be friends with my DH.  That is how we met.  (long story).  To top it off, xBF had not told my GF that him and I used to be an item. 

Here is what happened:  She invited me and DH over for a BBQ, since she tought it would be fun for her BF to reconnect with my DH.  So, I had to tell her a bit of the story and share with her we all get a long, and if she had a large gathering we would love to be invited, but a double date setting was not going to happen.

Talk about akward! 

You are going to have to accept that you are all maturing and things are going to change.  It is life.  It wasn't those two, eventually they would each meet someone.  Change is inevidable. 

Good luck and keep us posted.

Serenity CL making a second marriage work

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 3:28pm

I honestly think the best thing you could do right now is use this opportunity to try to expand your social circle of both men & women.  What happens if they end up getting married?  Then you really will be the 3rd wheel--or if they break up again you're back to not being able to be around both of them at once.  Try getting into some groups where you can do activities, try on line dating, ask the guy if he has any single friends so you can go on a double date, etc.  Other than that you really have to stay out of their relationship as much as possible.  And your girlfriend is not being a very good friend if she drops you like a hot potato as soon as she's in a relationship w/ a guy.  She should still try to make some time for you.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 1:15pm

Test reply here.  I just typed a reply to someone and it never posted. 

Serenity