25 year old not spoken to me in 11/2 yea

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
25 year old not spoken to me in 11/2 yea
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 7:14pm
He has issues and has left the state without even letting anyone know where he is, it is breaking my heart. I did at first attempt to contact him and get him to talk, then he moved and would not answer email. Had his mail forwarded to another addresss. He has been mad at me since disappearing over a "spring break" at college and not telling anyone. I called all over trying to find out if he was OK. He was very mad and has not spoken to me since.

Broken hearted mother

Avatar for gingapet
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 7:28pm
Did you apologize for embarrassing him by calling everywhere when he went on vacation? I would kill my mother if she called everyone I knew looking for me, either when I was in college or now (I'm 24). How embarrassing! Adults can leave without asking permission first, and if his spring break was a year and a half ago, he was 23. He had a right to leave without telling you. Adult children like to know that their parents still care about them, but they don't like it when their parents call everyone they've ever met to check up on them as if they're 8 years old. Believe me.

Even if you don't feel sorry, your son is obviously not going to back down on this one, so I'd say, contact him one last time, say you're sorry (even if you think you were right - he obviously doesn't and getting him back in your life is the important thing now) and just tell him he knows where to find you. If he does come back, let sleeping dogs lie. Don't bring the issue up again and try to rehash it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 10:34am
I agree with the previous poster, you crossed a line when you treated him as if he were still 16. I understand that you were worried, and he probably should have let you know what was going on, but calling everywhere like that was just too much. He is an adult and does not owe you an explanation, he is no longer required to give you any info at all about his life. The fact that he hasn't talked to to you since suggests that there is more to this story. How do I say this gently? Have you been letting go of your son gracefully or have you been tightning the apron strings instead? Before you contact him again, you should probably examine your behavior from well before he stopped talking to you. Have you let him grow up and separate from you, or did you try to hold him tighter the more he became a man? If so, you should probably deal with these issues first, because these are your issues to deal with, not his. If you are truly interested in re-establishing a relationship with you son, work on being able to treat him as adult with a life that is separate from yours.