Abuse- why I left home at 14, how can I tell my sister?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2011
Abuse- why I left home at 14, how can I tell my sister?
9
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 7:37am

I am 23 years old and a college graduate living miles from home. I am the eldest of 4 siblings with a 7 year stretch between myself and my closest sibling. This sister just graduated high school and is going to come visit me for 2 weeks. The thing is, I am not very close to my sister. I moved out of the home and in with my grandmother at the age of 14 due to some physical and emotional abuse from my stepfather (her dad).

When my siblings and I were younger I was mean to them, partially I believe, because I was jealous that they were treated so much better than me by my step-dad and his family whom we lived very near to and were around frequently. The family never acknowledged me as being a part of the family even though my step-dad raised me. Holidays were the worst... For Christmas, that part of the family always got me terrible and cheap gifts, while would go out of their way to buy my siblings extravigant gifts. I was lucky if I even received anything from them for my birthday. I was the first person to graduate from college in my entire family including my step-dad's side. His parents gave me $20, while for my sister's hs graduation they gave her $550.

I was constantly getting in trouble for little things, while they were alowed to do anything they wanted and would often copy my step-dad in teasing me about my weight or tell me I was ugly. If I saw them doing something I had just gotten in trouble for I would emulate my step-dad and get on to them (which would usually end up with me getting a severe punishment). I did not know any better at the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
If your sister asks you can always use the lines from www.etiquettehell.com
Also you can that things occurred that were between you and your parents that she doesn't need to know (I am sure that there is a delicate way to do this, I just am not good at it) and you want to focus on the relationship between her and you
anon for this one
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004

first this "You didn't seem to catch that I am getting help with all of this, but 7 years of daily abuse takes a little longer to go through especially when my family enables my mother's bad behavior and pretends it didn't/doesn't happen."

anon for this one
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

I did read your entire post, and I do understand that your

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Oh, ok. Thanks.

I didn't realize there was a post deleted, so when you said "you people", I thought you were referring to me!

I hope you and your sister have a great visit.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2011

Cat Alley,

I do appologize if you took offence to my comment. I said "you people", but was not directly refurring to you. I was very offended at the other poster for their misquoting me and giving me advice such as "get professional help" though I had already mentioned doing so. I also did not like being questioned as to if my intentions were merely to upset her. And it must have bled in to your post. There was another post also questioning my intentions and getting a lot of things wrong, but it is no longer there...

These matters are normally very private for me and it is really hard when to go looking for advice and someone turns it around on you.


My apologies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Well, your last line was offensive.

I was giving you my honest opinion as one of two horribly abused children (out of 5) in my family.

Goodbye and good luck.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2011

I am paying for my sister to come visit me because she has never even been out of our home state. I want her to look at colleges and realize that the world has lots of opportunities in the world for her. We are going to look at schools and go to Disneyworld, etc.

You didn't seem to catch that I am getting help with all of this, but 7 years of daily abuse takes a little longer to go through especially when my family enables my mother's bad behavior and pretends it didn't/doesn't happen. I was completely alone in all of this. I was 7-14 years old.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

What is the purpose of her visit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I think it would be a mistake to bring up her father's abuse at all. It's not likely to be taken well. In fact, I almost guarantee it won't and could cause a lifetime estrangement..