Advice: How do I decline being a Godmother

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2011
Advice: How do I decline being a Godmother
19
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 8:42pm

Okay, I just found out a family friend is pregnant. She constantly made comments over the years about me baptising her child when she wasn't even pregnant. I told her I don't want to baptise another kid. I have 3 god children. I'm 25 and all 3 were baptised when I was a teen. I was forced into it by my parents. I genuinely had no real knowledge of the responsibility of being a GOOD godmother.

I'm fresh out of university, haven't found a job and live at home. I can't afford a baptism. That's the godmothers job in my religion, we are talking $3,000 or more for the baptism alone. AS WELL, annually Easter, Christmas & the childs birthday. If she was logical she wouldn't ask me. She should ask a married couple. She never takes no for an answer. I've already told her I'm a "bad godmother" because I don't see the god children I have because they are far away & I had a huge falling out with one of the mother's.

She is not a real friend, she calls to talk about herself. I never ask her for advice, I rarely call her because she annoys me. She got married at 21 and her life revolves around her husband. She won't go anywhere without him, how can I be close with someone who always has their husband around? Her mom & my mom are amazing friends. So I bite my tounge and deal with her many many annoying habits. She cries alot over anything & gets offended easily.

There is a big dinner party this weekend to celebrate her pregnancy news. I'm happy for her, but I don't want the responsibility. I don't have the money & I don't want to invest the time either because I find her so annoying. And a child deserves a good godmother.

I can't say yes if she asks me. I can see her asking me it at a table of ten people and putting me in a bad spot. I know she'll get very offended but how can I lessen the impact?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2011
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 1:41pm

Thanks for your post imotherothers.

I don't make the rules of my religion, I've always been asked to be a godmother because my father is wealthy so finacially he would be able to give money to help raise the kids but usually its the person's parents or siblings that get guardianship but we don't allow brothers or sisters or parents to baptise their own neices or nephews or grandkids. I was 13, 15 and 16 each time I baptised a child, obviously as a teen at those times I'd never take care of a little baby. Legally that would be wrong. Its more about the relgious obligation and somewhat about your standing in the church and the things you'll buy so they look good at each religious event, gold crosses & nice dresses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2011
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 4:04pm
Personally, I take the role of godparents very seriously. We chose wisely for our daughters, but poorly for our son. My daughter's godparents celebrate almost every thing with them. Oddly, for them we chose friends. Our son, we chose my BIL and SIL. My brother in law was really great until his son was born on my son's birthday. My son has not been acknowledged by them in the past year.

If you don't want to do it, then tell them what I tell students who ask for recommendations that I don't want to write one for. 'I'm really overextended night now and I don't have the time to devote to this that you deserve.'
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 1:43pm
I understand the issue here is very sensitive, and you're trying to handle it with tact, but it honestly looks to me as if you're trying to ward off a shark with a feather duster. I don't think you're going to get anywhere being subtle.

You have already told her you can't/won't/will not/aren't going to do it. Tell her one more time, very plainly. Tell your mother, very plainly, and let her gripe. Hold the line.

If you can't get out of the dinner, resign yourself to an unpleasant couple of hours (it will be good practice for all the other unpleasant things you have to suffer through graciously in adulthood). If she announces you as the godmother ANYWAY, stand up and offer a toast to godparents everywhere, outlining their responsibilities. Conclude by saying, "I have already told Annoying Pregnant Girl that I am not prepared to do all these things at this stage in my life, so here's to the REAL godmother, whoever she turns out to be." Drink and sit back down.

I know you want to keep this private, but that is playing right into her hands--as long as no one else is aware that you're NOT GOING TO DO IT, she will be able to keep telling everyone that you are.
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 4:02pm

It probably is best to go to the dinner and get it over with. Hopefully she will ask you privately to be the godmother, so you can officially decline and tell her that you are serious and to please not bring it up again. If she asks you publicly then you'll probably have to say something like,"gee, I'm honored but I've already told you that I cannot accept your request", or something more forceful if necessary. Keep in mind that it is quite rude to put a guest in an uncomfortable position especially in front of other guests, so if you have to be a little rude yourself, well she brought it upon herself. And if she just makes an announcement without speaking with you first then the previous poster's suggestion about the toast sounds good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2011
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 4:40pm
Wow, I love your approach. I might actually use that exact toast because you are right, it's like being hunted by a shark and all I do is politely try to nudge her away. I am only subtle for my moms friendship but my mom agrees I shouldn't be the godmother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2011
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 4:50pm

Yes, I want to get it over with so I'm going to the dinner party. My mom won't be there but my sibling will and he agrees with me. My mom agrees with me too but she knows who offended she gets & how over the top her mom is so she's begged me to be nice when I decline. The girl is not the type of person to care who she puts on the spot she wanted to go to Italy this summer and her husband said no, she brought it up twice in public infront of several people making him look like the bad guy. She doesn't respect her husband so I don't see her respecting my wishes either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

Again, baptism isn't just a "fun" event to get gifts for the new baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009

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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 2:52pm

I'm sorry, your post is hilarious. I know it wasn't meant to be, but I think we all have those annoying friends ;) Why do you think she is going to ask you to be the Godmother? If you are absolutely sure it is coming, like zero doubt, I would cut her off at the pass, and I would do so with great care and sensitivity. I don't think this is something you want to do in a room full of on-lookers.

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