Advice on my Serial Dating Friend??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Advice on my Serial Dating Friend??
10
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 12:48pm

One of my oldest and dearest friends has begun to drive me mad lately.

We don't see each other as often as we would like since we live several hours apart and both have full time jobs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 1:00pm

Oh man, you are friends with my sister's twin.

I feel for you.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 6:38pm

"I told her that I didn't think it was a good idea, but that I would always support her decisions."

Sometimes being a good friend to someone means not supporting decisions of that someone.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 8:59pm

I think a lot of us have a friend like this. I have a friend for 15 years. For the past 15 years, she's dated nothing... and I mean nothing but losers. They are either married or do "recreational" drugs or they hit her... take your pick. Sometimes they do all three. Oh and I forgot one thing at least two of these bottom - feeding low lifes did, they couldn't hold a job, lived with her and didn't contribute a dime. After years of bailing her out of messes that these scum buckets caused, I told her, "I love you, but I can't listen to this anymore. I can't bail you out of messes. I have my own life". When she tries to regale me with her latest tale of woe, I remind what I said.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 11:40am

I guess I just don't understand this. I've never been a girl that HAD to have a boyfriend; I am happily married now and have been for almost 2 years, but I didn't take a whole lot before that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 12:24pm

You're in a tough spot. If you coddle her, you'll have to hear about the same problems over and over. I'm going through this now. But no one can talk anyone out of choosing the wrong guys. It's funny how the girls who always want to be in a relationship never end up getting married (the very thing they want more than anything). They think a bad boyfriend is better than no boyfriend. I can't figure this out either.

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Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 8:16pm

I know I'm coddling her, but my friends that have tried the "tough love" with her, she's pretty much shut them out and I don't want that to happen.--staciowen

You realize that if you keep handling the situation the same way, you'll likely get the same results that you say you don't want, right?

Maybe the only reason she's still acting coddled and pursuing the dating drama is because this is the way she's learned to get coddling from you.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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http://www.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 12:19am

You realize that if you keep handling the situation the same way, you'll likely get the same results that you say you don't want, right?

Liz is right. If she has no friends left, maybe she'll have an epiphany that she's going about things the wrong way. She can't be "right", while everyone else is "wrong". My friend also says, "I don't understand why, no one wants to talk to me about (insert man of the week here)". I tell her "because everyone's sick of hearing about you making the same mistakes". If she shuts you out, let her. She'll come around, when she has her wake up call.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Mon, 12-27-2010 - 9:46pm

I have a friend who dated this guy for TWO WHOLE WEEKS, then became furious and turned psycho on him because he wasn't coming over every single night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 1:07am
I don't understand the whole "gotta have a man" thing either. Your friend is addicted to drama...it's her drug of choice. Friendships sometimes play themselves out and the parties move on. I don't think she wants advice any more than most addicted people want advice. Get on with your life and if she changes her lifestyle to one you can be comfortable hearing about, then welcome her back into your inner circle. Until then, like most addicts, she sort of needs to hit rock bottom before she "gets it" that she's got problems and needs to make changes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 12:26pm
I guess she has a compulsive behaviour, that at the end hurts her and then the hurt, makes her do the same over and over. I´d advice her to get counseling. It´s a compulsion! Suggest it in a way she doesn´t feel hurt. You must know her. About you, her behaiviour is hurting you.