Advice Please from some BTDT Moms of College Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Advice Please from some BTDT Moms of College Kids
30
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 11:04am

My college Junior just had her 2nd car

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In your dd's case, yes I would. A "perfect child" in her third year of college that wrecked two cars? Yeah, if I had the money to help her, I would. In a heartbeat.

 

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

I see this as two different questions: is she a bad/unsafe driver who shouldn't be driving?; and should you buy her another car? IMO you never "owed" her a car.

Why and how the accidents occurred would determine if she should be behind the wheel. If both accidents were beyond her control (bad road conditions, another car pulled out in front of her) then I would give her another chance. If she was distracted or doing something unsafe--messing with CDs or iPod, texting or talking on a cell phone, applying makeup or trying to eat, speeding--then I would want reassurances that she wouldn't do that again before I'd let her drive my car. A lot of accidents are a combination of both things, and while some people learn from their mistakes and don't repeat their unsafe actions, some don't seem to learn. Is she afraid to drive again?

Should you get her another car? Besides the questions of whether you can afford it, there is your inconvenience of having to be her taxi. Is it possible for her to get around by public transportation? She seems to be working really hard and is fiscally responsible so I think she is "deserving" of a car. If I could be convinced that she would be more focused and I could afford to buy her a car, then I probably would do so--mainly so I didn't have to drive her everywhere. There would probably be some clause about her paying for part or all of the car after she graduated so she feels more financial responsibility for the car. (if you can afford it you could forgive her the debt as her graduation gift).

My experience was that the insurance let them stay on the family policy but increased the kid's rate for 3 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

My first question is what caused the accidents?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004

She is probably still a perfect child. I know the wrecks are causing you financial stress and worry, so you all need to sit down and come up with a solution. I think she is overtired. It sounds like her schedule is jam packed. I have a feeling this will be a difficult thing to do, but I was wondering if there is any way she could share rides with people - especially on the very full days.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
I have to say, I work in the auto insurance industry & I am a mom, although my kids aren't quite as old as your DD is now!!! My kids are 12 & 8 yrs old.


She sounds like a really good kid. She's a good student, she's putting herself thru school and she's working. Its a lot for a young woman her age.

IF the accidents weren't her fault (and I really can't tell from what you've said) then I would allow her to drive.

HOWEVER, if she were using her cell phone, texting, fell asleep at the wheel...or worse using drugs or drinking, then obviously I'd take the keys away from her!!!

It could be that she's just a bit more distracted with all the things that are going on her in life & she's not paying as much attention to the road as she should be.... More than likely these fender benders are all the wake up call she'll need to realize she's got to focus when behind the wheel!!!


Honestly, a lot of brides get into auto accidents right before the big day...why??? Be/c they're distracted! They've got a lot going on & aren't particularly focused on their driving!!! sorta like your DD, she's got a lot going on & sounds distracted & tired!!

As long as she's a safe driver, she's getting her rest,etc, I wouldn't have a problem with her driving!!!


Good luck....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006

Yes, both accidents (within 3 weeks)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Oh Im so sorry about the passing of your sister!!!

I'm sure that the stress of school, work, and the recent loss in your family have a lot to do with her accidents!!!


I'm hoping that things get a little more calm for you in the coming weeks & months.....hang in there!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Debtfree,

Im so sorry to hear about your sister.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

Is her vision affecting her classwork?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002

Hi, condolences on the loss of your sister. I, too, lost a sister, too young, and it really shattered our family, and certainly was on all of our minds for a long time afterwards. Sadness can be very distracting. That said, your daughter sounds like a great kid. I'm afraid I don't know a single "kid" around here who has not had some sort of episode in the beginning years of driving. My son is now 22...the first thing he did was go joyriding with friends....another guy in the lead and my son just followed like a lemming. It was dead of winter and they went up an icy mountain road that is closed in winter. Someone removed signs and barricade to go snowmobiling or something...he got scared early on, turned around, and coming back down hit ice and slid off the road. Thank God it was on the uphill side of the mountain and not the downhill side. He had a Jeep then, and it was stuck good and damaged. We had to pay someone to back up the hill sanding, so that the tow truck could then go up and retrieve the Jeep. We made him pay the repairs to his Jeep out of pocket...no putting that one thru insurance. Crazy right? (more to this, of course...the other boy, who was in the lead, freaked out when my son went off the road, just got out of his truck and walked down. So after we paid to get the road opened, his mom rode up with the tow truck and calmly drove her son's truck down and home. No offer to help with expenses. Typical.)

Since then his car has died...so sometimes, when he can't get a ride, he borrows my Jeep to go to

 

Pages