Am I being taken advantage of?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Am I being taken advantage of?
7
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 8:35am

I have a friend in another area who has who children, 8 and 18.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 7:44pm

Yes, next time I will definitely mention that it is dutch or maybe we will just go to the park..Excellent idea.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 6:56pm
Everyone has good advice, just one thought because it happened to a friend of mine. Do you know that the 18 yr old wasn't given the money to cover the cost of she & her sister? When this happened to one of my friends she went back to the Mom who freaked as she had sent money & her teen daughter kept it.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 5:39pm

That seems really presumptuous for a friend of only 6 months to send her 18yo dd "in her place" and to assume that you are willing to pay for both of her kids, especially the adult one that wasn't even in the original invitation. Why did someone need to go in her place at all, unless the 8yo has some kind of special needs that you could not deal with? If you were old friends with a history of reciprocating on expenses, you'd known the older dd for years, etc it would be different. As someone mentioned, since you issued the invitation she could have taken it to mean that you intended to pay--but if she's a stickler for etiquette/keeping score then she would also know that was "her turn" to treat you and your dd.

If you want to do things with her or her kid again, make sure to bring up in advance that it will be "dutch". If you suspect that she is having financial difficulties then suggest something that's practically free, like taking a picnic to a park. If she continues trying to set it up so you have to pay then she is taking advantage of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 3:07pm

After I approach her if she takes it the wrong way, then I will let the friendship go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 3:06pm

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 2:21pm

I think your friend is really tacky (in that regard).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 9:56am
Easy solution...don't put yourself in the position again...which means don't schedule activities with her that would result in your being forced to pay. If it was me I would have a heart to heart with her but since you're asking for advice this obvious solution isn't something you're comfortable with??

San