Am I overreacting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2011
Am I overreacting?
17
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 10:06am

Hi,

I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2011
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 10:32am
HI Sybil..
well first lemme say I don't think you're overreacting at all. I think that perhaps the way "YOU HANDLE" it is the key. Yes, we are all adults.. well we are all adults according to our age.. ha.. but there are some that act like they're not in the 40's -- in my case. :)
Perhaps your friend is "a spoiled" girl and always gets what she wants or whatever.. but don't let these things interfere with how you feel(about), react or view your friends. EVERYONE doesn't treat others, and in this case YOU, the way that they should OR WANT TO BE TREATED!
WAs it right that she treated- reacted -- during and after the trip.. but she did send a thank you card.
Maybe she realized she was wrong and can't find the right words OR MAYBE she doesn't know how to apologize. I know this sounds really elementary.. I mean how hard can it be to say "hey I"m sorry for (insert the problem). BUT there are MANY who do not know how to do it.. for THE FEAR of whatever..maybe being rejected, etc. NONETHELESS, what is done is done.. can't take it back.
I would, however, say something to get it off my chest. COMMUNICATION is ESSENTIAL in ANY relationship-- and friendships are important... therefore, I would say something. Not blast her with all the hate words-- but choose my words wisely. I have always tried to remember when I am going to "say my piece/peace" to whom ever.. that I can't fight fire with fire.
Good luck..
BTW-- has she always been like this? meaning has she always acted this way... selfish is probably the right word. :)
I have been in a similiar situation too. And to this day we are THE BEST OF FRIENDS.... have been past many situations similiar to this. WE have a stronger bond because of it. I think in ANY situation or relationship rather.. there is a STRONGER one and a weaker one... I have always been the stronger one.... but there have been times lately when we have reversed our roles and she has been the "stronger" one and had to be stern with me. I know this isn't anything about what we are talking about.. BUT -- just letting you know the "results" of me communicating to her how I felt and we went from there. .. she is my "female soulmate" .. closer than my own sisters.
good luck girl! :)

~Kimberly
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 11:13am

I do not think you were overreacting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 12:10pm
My thoughts on this is why couldn't she have gone to those places alone??? Not nearly as much fun but at least she would have seen them. I don't think you're overreacting because you're confused by her behavior.

You had to work and if a friend can't respect that then she isn't much of a friend. I recommend you leave it alone for now...
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 1:36pm

Does she make a habit of doing this to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 6:45pm

Hi - I replied on the Toxic Relationships board.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 12:26am

I don't think you're overreacting. Your friend's behavior was very immature, to give you the cold treatment for 2 days because you were not available to entertain her 24/7. It sounds like you did plenty to show her a good time, and like others have mentioned, she is an adult and could have gone sightseeing by herself if it was that important to her.

As for what to do now, that's really your call. If you feel like the friendship is beyond repair, then try to let it go. You shouldn't have to put up with people who treat you like that. And if a part of you wants to salvage the friendship then call her and try to talk it out, let her know how she made you feel. If she accepts responsibility for her behavior and apologizes directly (rather than on a card with flowers) then maybe you can patch things up. By her reaction you may know if there's still a friendship left.

If you don't feel like you're getting the reaction you deserve, then you're better off without her.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 4:30am
Nope, you're not overreacting at all. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting a friend like this. She's incredibly rude, ungrateful, disrespectful, self-absorbed, and expectant. Unless you want a friend who thinks the world should revolve around her and is incapable of actually apologizing when she's way out of line, don't bother trying to maintain a friendship with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2011
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 1:11pm

Thanks for your feedback everyone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 3:36pm

Question:

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 6:20pm

I wouldn't try to hash things out via email. Too much chance for misunderstandings. While in person would be best, over the phone is next best. Tone of voice can make a big difference in how a person takes a comment.

It does sound like you and she have gone in different directions in your attitudes and approaches to life. Before she started acting all pissy, were the two of you having fun? Was it like old times? When you were at your home/with the family (ie. your real life) vs sightseeing was she fun?

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