An angry mother who holds grudges...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
An angry mother who holds grudges...
24
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 6:19pm

Hello! I could write a book on this, but I won't. I'll try to simplify things. I moved to Philadelphia in August because my mom kicked me out. I don't blame her though. The experience in Philly was so bad that when I returned home, my attitude was very different. I felt deep gratitude and began helping around the house A LOT! I was so grateful to be out of the stressful situation in Philly, it's hard to describe the level of relief.

My mom's been fixing up my old bedroom and helping me out here and there with things like a spring jacket, but when she's angry she holds these things over my head and claims I'm NOT grateful, which is untrue. So, sometime in the past 2 weeks, she must have mentioned a rule about renting Comcast movies, I I'd forgotten. I rented one today and told her, forgetting the rule and not expecting her to be angry. She said I take advantage of her and that's just who I am. I offered the $6, but it didn't matter to her. In her eyes, I'm an untrustworthy, person who takes advantage, and takes what they do for me to granted.

I'm so angry I don't even want to clean their house anymore. I was happy and optimistic at first, but now I just feel wiped out and depressed.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Does anyone have any advice? I would be grateful.

Thanks, Jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 1:50pm
I like your cute kitty in the costume! So cuuuuuute!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 2:01pm

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 12:50pm

He sure does look thrilled. I think most pets hate to be dressed up. Love the long whiskers. I hadn't noticed that before. I only noticed his expression.

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Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 9:04pm
Jan,

It's not easy to go back in time. I have 3 great kids, they have all left & they have all come back. 2 of them a few times. Sometimes when they returned it was wonderful & other times, it really wasn't good at all. As others have mentioned, we don't really have any facts on your age or whether you are working or paying room & board. My youngest DS is back living with us at 24 with his fiance. I love these kids but frankly I've been raising kids for over 30 yrs . My DH (of 36 yrs) & I love our quiet time together. We like to go to the fridge & find the leftover from last night still there. We like our alone time & the ability to eat cereal for dinner if we want. But with others in our home, we lose some of that flexibility & privacy. I have never asked my kids for money when they lived with us, I pay all the food, utilities & many activities if we go out. This is so the kids can save their money for when they move out. Sometimes, I will lose it & yell about something that was important to me but the kids forgot because it wasn't important to them. It's a give & take to make the relationship successful but it it needs to be balanced. It's hard to learn to stop being a Mom & be more of a friend esp if your kids are younger when they return.

Your comment " I'm so angry I don't even want to clean their house anymore" implies that you are cleaning their house as a favour. If you are paying room & board then it's a favour, if not then it's called being responsible.

I know I sounds like I'm not understand how hard it is for you, frankly I never had a home to return to so I don't know. But my intention is to help you see that maybe your Mom also has another side of this story.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you & your Mom. Dee

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