To everyone who replied-
I am going to write more later, but thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply to it. You all had a lot of great things to say, and I appreciate hearing from all of you.
Tomorrow, when I have more time, I will reply to each of you.
Also, I mentioned this situation to some neighbors today (I asked them what they would have done if they had been in my shoes) , and one of them said that she had heard that Michelle will be switching to another school in the fall. So, if indeed Michelle goes to another school, then this will keep Michelle from being around my DD at school everyday.
My DH always has a saying " act in haste, repent at leisre," whihc is a bit of an annoying saying because when your mad about something, the first thing you want to do is blast someone. I beleive you did the right thing by NOT saying anything at that time, it also teaches your daughter that being rude back to someone doesnt help the situation.
My best advice would be to contact the school and particularly your daughters teacher. I would do this w.out letting yoru daughter know, ie, make an apt and see the teacher sometime when she is not teaching the class. Let her know that she had a problem with a child and that the situation became heated with mother of that child basically abusing her in public. Its harrasment and your daughter doenst need to have that happen at 12 or any age. I would make sure that you empower your daughter by saying things that help her feel good about herslf and praise her for saying " hi" in teh first place. Take the moral highground, you cant go wrong when you ahve good manners.
I think you did the right thing by not confronting Michelle's Mom.
I don't think it would have helped your daughter if you and Michelle's mother had a confrontation in front of everybody, and it sounds as if Michelle's mother is the type who would have gone off on you for even a simple comment.
I think you did the right thing. If you went up to Michelle's mom at that moment, things probably would have escalated into a big scene. Think how embarrassing and awkward that would be for everyone!I think I would wait a little while to see if things blow over. Things change quickly for girls this age. I doubt things will ever be good between them again but hey that"s life.If M's mom keeps trying to make a confrontation, try to find a moment when there isn't an audience and quietly let her know that your daughter doesn't dislike Michelle but wants to branch out with other friends. Hopefully she will accept what you say and stop trying to interfere. Good luck!